what more can i do now?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by DianneDS, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. DianneDS

    DianneDS New Member

    Good day! Im new here. I wanna ask you guys something coz these past few days, I have been thinking every night about my sons (17 years old) situation. It seems that there is no future for him. Its like all my hope for a chance has popped. My son is suppose to graduate next year but due to certain circumstances he might not make it. After months of rehab and therapies still nothing has changed. Its like there is no "two roads" path, just one.. going to the darkness.
    It started in junior high when he got into this little gang of boys. Now they go on clubs, sniffing drugs.
    I honestly blame my self for what i happening to him.

    But where did i go wrong? i have get everything i could possible give.

  2. Weirdartist

    Weirdartist New Member

    hello, and welcome

    if you want advice for your son, please could you explain the situation a little more clearly? I am guessing he has done drugs and gotten mixed up in a bad gang, but does he still do drugs? What kind of substances are we talking about? Is it the drugs preventing him from graduating or the grades he has because of them? What kind of help is he getting?

    blaming yourself will not help anybody, blame is pointless, it is much more important to look for ways to improve both of your lives and work out where to go from here, please try not to blame yourself or worry about how things got this way, it is very hard to say there are a multitude of reasons people start taking drugs.

  3. finless

    finless New Member

    Yep, I was just thinking that myself. Blaming yourself is not going to help sort him out. I can understand how you feel but you need positive strategies to break the cycle he's got himself in.

    Children don't come with an instruction book. We've had many dilemmas in how to raise our two children. As it turns out I'm immensely proud of them and pleased how they turned out but we easily could have been in your situation with a few wrong paths followed in the past.

    Try not to despair. Seek some help from as many sources as you can and good luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  4. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    I agree completely about the self blame, pointless. Although almost impossible not to do because you are the mum and from the minute they are born. Having been in a situation where I've had to watch my own nearly adult child behave in an extremely self destructive manner, the only way forward was to create boundaries around what was acceptable to me and the rest of the family to keep us safe and stable, then to kind of hold on for the ride. I offered and provided opportunities and facilities for my child/adult to help herself. I blamed myself, her father blamed me too to a certain degree, but I just held onto the faith that she would right herself in time... but like they say on an airplane "put the oxygen mask on yourself before attending to others". Best of luck.

  5. Flower45

    Flower45 New Member

    The trap that many parents fall into is the trap of taking responsibility for the decision their children make. You are not responsible for the outcome of raising a child, but you are responsible for the lessons and guidance put in as a parent. All of the best direction, loving guidance, and attentive parenting cannot guarantee that a child will grow into a well adjusted human being. Your child's addiction is not your choice, nor is it your responsibility. You are not the one who places it up his nose, and you couldn't stop it from happening if you tried. The demon of addiction will not end until the addict chooses to make changes. All that you can do is continue to love your son with all of your being and try to help him recognize how beautiful and amazing he is as a human being.

  6. AnnaM

    AnnaM Member

    love your kid but you do not have to like/condone/ support or otherwise participate in his addiction issues. they are his and his alone. Having said that, it does really hurt.

  7. Pennies8

    Pennies8 New Member

    My parents had this issue with my older sister. It was awful for them. They constantly gave her all the time and attention and money for treatments and took responsibility for her problems. It was terribly painful for them and us siblings to watch her and her destructive behavior, hurting herself and everyone around her. It has taken my parents 26 years to finally realize that she is the way she is because she wants to be. They can't change her.

    Honestly though, I don't think you should be callous in any way to your son, but I definitely think that the best way for him to learn is to deal with the consequences of his actions on his own. You can't enable his behavior by protecting him. He is making reckless decisions and needs to understand that they have terrible consequences. My sister never cared about getting caught or dealing with issues because my parents always swooped in and took care of it. She had a routine: run away and party with friends (for a week or a couple of months, it varied) then run out of resources and come back, then do it again. She did it over and over and over again for years because she knew if it got too bad my mom and dad would catch her.

    It will be really hard and I'm sorry you are going through it, but atleast you aren't alone.


Share This Page