they spank my 4 year old, can i do anything?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Constance, Jun 30, 2012.

  1. Constance

    Constance New Member

    So heres the thing... i left my ex husband because he was physically and emotionally abusive. And when he told my 1 year old daughter at the time that he hated her because she wouldnt say daddy, that was the last straw. Shes 4 years old now and the divorce is final giving me primary custody and he gets summer and every other christmas.
    Hes had one summer and one christmas thus far and both times my daughter has come back saying her dad and his girlfriend spank her. As an abuse survivor im completely against that, and knowing his abuse toward me, im worried for her.

    I dont necessarily want her to stop visiting him, i know how important a father is to a child. But i worry non stop with her visits knowing they spank her and knowing his anger problems. My daughter does not like his girlfriend at all saying "shes mean to momma and spanks me" and ive confronted them both about it but they deny anything. I dont believe children lie about this kind of thing as i was called a liar as a child when i wasnt. I dont know how to make this stop, how to stop them from putting their hands on her.
    In the divorce papers it says i am allowed private phone conversations while she is there and i told her after the first visit to tell me if they did it again. When she did the girlfriend was obviouly listening in and interrupted my conversation to tell me how to parent my child and to tell my daughter not to say that. I just dont know where to go from here and she leaves for the summer in 6 days

  2. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    Go back to court to get visitation changed if they are physically harming her.

  3. Confused-Hasya

    Confused-Hasya Active Member

    I second BG. And take the child with you before she goes there. Or at least, let them not have an inkling that you're going to court over it before you go, because you don't want them abusing your daughter into siding with them. Like telling her something bad will happen to you or her if she "tattles". It won't be tattling, but they may call it that.

    My thoughts are with you and your child and her safety,

  4. Eve337

    Eve337 New Member

    Your only solution is to go back to court. Call social services if your daughter calls you and says she is being hurt.

  5. Weirdartist

    Weirdartist New Member

    I don't know how social services work in America (or wherever you are) but over here you can call them and make allegations of physical abuse. Photograph any physical marks you find if you have to let her go, or even better take her to a doctor for assessment of any marks left. Be sure they know she has just returned from her dad's and you are very concerned about her care. Try and seek legal counsel too, over here it would be Citizens Advice, but I suspect there will be similar charities in your country. Go back to court if you can, and make sure your daughter knows she can tell you every time it has happened, explain that she can tell you even if her dad or his gf tells her not to. You could also try taking her to a child psych who could work out how much it is/has affected her and may be able to explain to court or social services their professional opinion.

    After things have been changed you can try seeking supervised contact (happens a lot over here, in contact centers or with a trusted family member, maybe his mother or a mutual friend etc.)

    While it is important for a child to have contact with both their parents, it is also important that they feel safe, you are an amazing mummy for being so strong and wanting the very best for you daughter. Please keep us updated x

  6. Constance

    Constance New Member

    Thanks mommies for your precious comments and advice's...


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