The Effects of Stopping Birth Control (part 3!).

Discussion in 'Archived Discussions' started by Raunchy-Row, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    You're right, Pink Leopard. No more Internet searches. It's just been a hard week for me. My setbacks don't usually last this long. Because this one is lasting so long, it's making my mind think that something in me has changed and that I'll never feel better. I wish I could just shut my mind up. I agree that the study is BS, and I agree with Larissa that it was short term. Maybe those people weren't in the right relationships, or maybe they just didn't realize something was wrong with their hormones at the time. We're still hanging on and fighting for our relationships so that makes us different. If we didn't care, we wouldn't be here. I actually was with my boyfriend for a few months (and knew him for even longer) prior to birth control. But my mind still plays tricks on me about that. It tries to convince me that I wasn't happy then either, which isn't true. Just because I can't currently remember it doesn't mean I wasn't happy. I was. And my mind tries to mess with me in terms of the "honeymoon" period. I never got irritated with my boyfriend pre-bcp. We never fought or even bickered. He never bothered me. Now he irritates me a lot. So my mind will say that it means the rose-colored glasses from the honeymoond period are off and that I'm realizing that we're not as compatible as I thought we were. It's just all so ridiculous. My mind will try to convince me of anything. And thinking about the past when we were happy causes a panic attack. Someone just wrote a lyric to a song on Facebook that my boyfriend and I used to have fun with and laugh about last Christmas and I immediately felt resistance and panic when I read the lyric. So now, a fun memory has been ruined by anxiety. I just really hate this. I've dealt with such jerks all of my life and I've finally found someone perfect for me and my anxiety is ruining it and trying to sabotage it. I try to be strong but sometimes I just want to cry about how unfair this whole thing is. Ugh.

     
  2. shannon15

    shannon15 New Member

    It's just hormones and anxiety and when they go away, we will be better then ever. Stronger. Smarter. More in love. Keep it up ladies.

     
  3. Larissa

    Larissa Member

    I just thought I'd mention something about my experience with bc pills. They affected my mood only when I was on them (fortunately that passed soon after I quit - I was on them for a few years). It did feel at that time like my mind was working against me and hanging on to every tiny little thing that could be construed as negative. I felt like I was ruining my relationship and it would never recover, that I would never recover. It all felt tainted beyond repair. Yet once those feelings passed and I returned to normal none of it mattered anymore. My relationship was still there and as strong as ever. My happy memories came back. Nothing was ruined or tainted like I was so sure it was. It was all just a bad, foggy memory. One key thing was that I had communication with my DH and he understood that this time would pass and was forgiving once it was over - and I must say I put him through plenty!

    I just wanted to mention this because it makes me so sad to hear that a happy memory can feel ruined and tainted. Or a relationship, or anything else good in anyone's life. Even though it feels so real right now, someday it won't and you will have that again. I know if someone had said this to me back then I'd have appreciated the words, but I wouldn't have fully believed it. But I completely agree with Shannon! I feel like my relationship is stronger and we are more committed to each other because we made it through this rough time together.

    I hope you start to feel better soon!

    Larissa

     
  4. Hannahlouise

    Hannahlouise New Member

    Thank you so much Larissa!

    I've had probably the worst day yet since quitting the BC - I had an argument with my boyfriend last night and it's really played on my anxiety all day - I've just been a hormonal mess! Before I came on this board and read that I was feeling so hopeless, but that really has made such a difference - I'm determined to get back to a good place, and be so happy and in love again. I can't tell you how much that's helped me today, thank you xxx

     
  5. Hannahlouise

    Hannahlouise New Member

    Also Larissa - was there anything you used to help get better? Any kind of therapy or supplement - or did it just go away naturally?

    Thanks, Hannah xx

     
  6. Larissa

    Larissa Member

    So glad I could help! And so sorry you had such an awful time last night and today! [​IMG]

    I wish I had more I could say on the recovery process. I was extremely fortunate because my mood improved almost immediately after quitting the pill. Literally within a month I was better. I went straight to taking nuvaring after the pill (with its own set of issues), although I wouldn't necessarily credit the ring with the improved mindset-I'd be shocked if they were connected.

    Since coming on this forum I have questioned what quirk in my body got my mind back on track so fast when so many women are forced to suffer the effects for months after quitting. I've got plenty of mental illness in my family so it's not that I was born mentally healthy! I do have a fast metabolism and had a job at the time where I was on my feet a lot, so I wonder has exercise been helpful to anyone in cleaning out the hormones? It seems that the metabolism thing may be a key factor? Although my body is certainly taking its time recovering from nuvaring. But then again I am a bit older now and I hear metabolism slows naturally with time...

    Sorry I can't be more helpful. I'd love to hear if anyone has any thoughts on what makes some women recover faster than others when it comes to hormones affecting moods. It'd be great if we could isolate this and apply it!

    Larissa

     
  7. Miss_A

    Miss_A New Member

    Hello there!

    I also want to comment on what Larrissa said...I have been off the pill for a month now and I feel all good, actually fantastic, what we also have in common is that I do excercise a lot, pretty much every other day. If I do have a week where I'm not as active and I feel a bad mood creeping in, I go outside and at least jog a bit.

    The only side effect I have from coming off the pill is skin breaking out, but to be honest...I just dont care that much about it anymore. It will sort itself out when it's supposed to [​IMG]

    good luck!

     
  8. SLynn17

    SLynn17 Member

    Oh goodness ladies... I had been feeling GREAT until this weekend, but unfortunately it's all my fault!

    My friends were in town for a friend's birthday/house-warming party. We haven't all been together in a really long time, and since I was feeling so great I decided I wasn't going to freak out about drinking and just let lose a little. Worst. Decision. Ever!!! I think if I'd only had a couple drinks I would have been ok, but that darn sangria crept up on me fast and before I knew it I was pretty drunk. Since I never drink, I'm a total light-weight. Well, everything was fine until the drive home. My husband was gracious enough to stay sober to drive me the hour it took to get home. I've been drunker than I was before, but never in my life have I been that drunk and been a passenger in a car going 65-70mph. It was the worst drive of my life. I almost had a panic attack and it was the scariest feeling because I was so drunk I hardly had control over my body, so all of a sudden getting the feeling that I couldn't breathe and that something was terribly wrong was so scary because I felt COMPLETELY out of control. Luckily I got my breathing under control and I made it home, but it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

    As soon as I got up that morning I took a whole bunch of vitamins, and my colostrum. I definitely think the colostrum helped with the worst hangover I've ever had in my life. It was awful at first, but didn't last as long as I remember in my college days. That day I went and had brunch with all the girls, and since I live in the boonies its about a 45 minute drive to anywhere! Ever since that panic attack I had while driving a couple weeks ago, I've had this fear of driving. I'm really trying to get over it and not let it get to me, because I can't not drive. It's not an option for this fear to takeover my life. But since I already wasn't feeling 100%, the drive there was filled with anxiety, and the drive home was REALLY filled with anxiety. I start to shake and get the feeling like my head is floating. It's just awful =/ I'm just so disappointed in myself for hindering my recovery. DO NOT DRINK if you're going through this!!!

    Sorry for the novel, but it was an awful, yet really fun at the same time, weekend for me. The good news is I'm not having the awful OCD thoughts still, but my physical anxiety is up. I definitely think if I hadn't gone to the party that I would be completely fine right now. So don't screw yourself over like I did!!

    Hannahlouise: Even though I don't really have ROCD, I do still have a bit of emotional numbness from time to time and I really hate it. I'm sorry you had an argument with your BF. I know when I fight with my husband my anxiety starts creeping in (mostly physical), but at the same time it sort of makes me happy. I know that sounds crazy, but at least I'm feeling something rather than feeling completely emotionless! Hope you're feeling better!

    PinkLeopard & IBelieveInUs: Haha, I agree with you... definitely no more searches! I really have to restrict myself sometimes, just because I know it's not going to help, it's only going to feed my anxiety more. That's why I love this forum so much! And at first I kinda freaked out about that study with bcp and picking a mate too, but I don't think it holds much weight. There are so many factors that go into a relationship and attraction to people. I don't think that it has so much to do with the fact that we choose differently, but that a lot of women probably go through this exact same thing but don't make the correlation to the bcp and instead just blame themselves and end their relationships.

     
  9. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Sierra: FEEL BETTER!!! I am so sorry you had such a tough weekend. Physical anxiety is so scary. I've had it for 10 years now, on and off. I don't wish it on anybody. There's a really good workbook on it on Amazon for pretty cheap. It's called something like "The Anxiety and Social Phobia Workbook" and it actually specifically talks about driving phobias in one of the chapters. Stay strong!

    I'm doing *much* better since I finally started taking my herbs/vitamins from acupuncture again. I had a nice Sunday with my boyfriend and I am so excited to move in together! I'm still not back to 100% but I am much, much better. Just goes to show that this is all OCD/anxiety. If it wasn't, there would never be any improvement. And we wouldn't be fighting as hard as we do. Stay strong, ladies! We are seriously such strong individuals. Not everyone would be able to handle this and I bet a lot of women have run in similar situations. We're strong and our relationships are strong and we'll survive this together [​IMG]

     
  10. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    Sierra- You poor thing! This is actually why I haven't drunk alcohol in the last two years. I can't stomach it. I get a feeling of losing control which immediately triggers anxiety. So I just have to stay away from it.

    I actually had a great weekend and really felt like myself again. It sure was nice! I woke up around 4 this morning and as I was laying there got a rush of what almost felt like nausea but almost felt like panic at the same time, it was really short lived. Now I'm paranoid because my last period (last weekend) was really light and I've been REALLY tired since yesterday. I also have been eating SO much this weekend it's ridiculous. Now I'm paranoid and freaking out wondering "what if I'm pregnant"....we're REALLY careful so I doubt that's the case. It could also just be that I'm getting sick, it's going around. Aye

     
  11. SLynn17

    SLynn17 Member

    Thanks ladies! I'm feeling better today, thank God! I just wanted to put the warning out there!

    I'm so glad you two are feeling better!!! I agree with IBelieveInUs, we are all so strong and I'm proud of each and every one of us for going through this difficult journey of ditching the synthetic hormones! I can't tell you how close I got to attempting my old brand during my darkest time, just see if it'd make a difference. But I knew that was not fixing the situation, just masking it with another drug!

    PinkLeopard: I doubt you're pregnant. When I first when to my doctor with all these symptoms she asked me if I was and told me to take a test just to be sure. I wasn't - the symptoms are all hormonal. But, just to ease your mind, why not take a test? My doctor even told me that the dollar store ones are just as accurate as any $15-$20 ones at the grocery stores. You just have to figure out how not to be too embarrassed buying them at the dollar store lol! And she told me that for the most accurate reading, take it first thing in the morning. I had got a pack that had like 3 in it, and just because I was so nervous I decided to take one that night just to see and it turned out I didn't pee enough, and the reading was all distorted. I saw a faint line come up which would indicate pregnancy and I freaked out! I just went to bed shaking and praying that I would wake up in the morning and the next test would be negative... and it was [​IMG]

     
  12. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    IBelieveInUs: I'm SO happy to hear you're feeling better!

    Sierra: Yeah, I don't have the nausea really, I think it's probably because I ate like a pig all weekend and my body is probably like, whoa! Haha. I checked all the signs of early pregnancy and I don't have any of them. I think the reason I'm so tired is because I had a lazy day yesterday, and I woke up in the middle of the night last night so my sleep cycle was interrupted. I might take one though just to be safe. I can't even remember if we had sex on my ovulation days...I should probably pay more attention to that now that I'm fertile. This is the first time I'm sexually active off the pill so I'm not used to the tracking, but I do not need a baby right now so I have to be more careful. And that is good to know about the dollar store tests...I always wondered about those. I took a store bought one back in February when I had mono (now realizing that was pill induced) because I felt SO weird and didn't know what it was, and even though I was on the pill my "period" was all messed up, wasn't really a period, just really spotty.

     
  13. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    It's horrible how much alcohol can negatively impact anxiety. I used to drink with my friends all the time when I was younger during "good" anxiety periods of my life. But whenever my anxiety got bad, I'd completely avoid alcohol. Even the thought of it during those times makes me anxious. Some of my friends were always so confused by this. You'd think alcohol would sedate us and make us feel better but it definitely does not. Over the last few years, I just stopped drinking completely. It's not worth the anxiety. My boyfriend rarely drinks so it works out nicely. I guess we're the boring couple when we go out with my friends, lol.

    And Pink Leopard: I'd definitely take a pregnancy test. Not because I think you're pregnant but because when you see the negative result, your anxiety will ease. Why worry unnecessarily? And with our hormone imbalances, I'd imagine it'd be pretty hard for us to get pregnant right now. Our bodies are so out of sync.

    I've been up since 5 am. I'm so exhausted but lately, I can't sleep well. I awake with a jolt between 5-6 am and then I'm up for the day. It's annoying. This morning, I woke up to a nightmare that my boyfriend cheated on me and I was like hyperventilating and sobbing in my dream. I woke up so upset that it consumed me and I couldn't sleep. I love how my OCD tries to convince me that I don't love my boyfriend and yet even a dream about losing him upsets me.

    Otherwise, I'm still feeling better. Maybe like a 9 out of 10. Planning stuff for our new apartment is making me happy and keeping me distracted. And the herbs from acupuncture are definitely helping.

    There is a survivor page on Facebook that one of the girls on this board posted to me a few months ago. I haven't posted it here because it's not too active and I didn't know if they wanted their privacy. But I messaged them during one of my down days and two of them wrote back saying that it does get better. They said they have been off bcp for over a year and a half and they are doing really well. They just have a couple of down days here and there but that's all. So that's encouraging to hear. We'll get there too [​IMG]

     
  14. shannon15

    shannon15 New Member

    Hi [​IMG]

    So, it feels like my body doesn't care if I lose him.. But when I think about it I freak. [​IMG] ugh.. Please help.

     
  15. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    IBelieveInUs: I used to give so much credit to my dreams...but after going through all of this, I don't pay any attention to my dreams anymore. Because honestly, most of the time they're complete bull%$#&.

    Well, the thing I'm worried about is my doctor told me to be extra careful now because the bioidentical creams make you very fertile. So, I need to take a test. I can't even remember if we had sex on my ovulation days but I read something yesterday that said if you're pregnant you'll have implantation bleeding (spotting) 6-12 days after conception, and I didn't have that. So I'm hoping that means I'm not pregnant. I want kids one day, just not now. My boyfriend and I are not ready for that right now. I've gone through this before but I was on the pill. I'm going to take a test right now....keep your fingers crossed that it's negative!

    I'm SO SO glad you're feeling better. It's very inspiring to hear the survivors are doing better and staying better. Gives us all hope that we will get there as well!

    Shannon15- what are you doing doctor or supplement wise? You're going to get better! This is the effect of the pill, nothing else. Those thoughts/feelings ARE NOT REAL!

     
  16. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Thanks, Pink Leopard! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you [​IMG]

    Shannon: Please stay strong and hold on. I've been there so many times. But here's the thing: We are girls from all over the world with all different life circumstances and different husbands/boyfriends. But we all have this in common. And we've all recently stopped birth control. That's not a coincidence. You'll get better. We all will. This is just temporary. I keep saying to myself: This too shall pass. Trust me, I know it's not easy on the bad days. This OCD/anxiety has taken me to the darkest places of my mind and my relationship. But there are good days too, and we WILL get better!

     
  17. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    Update....it was NEGATIVE!!!! WHOOOO [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] Don't get me wrong I LOVE kids and I want babies ONE DAY....just not right now [​IMG]

     
  18. JenniferE

    JenniferE Member

    I'm glad for you PinkLeopard!

    I know what you mean about wanting babies, just not right now. Before the BCP mess, I was very relaxed about the idea of having children. My husband and I talk about it from time to time, and we know we'll have them someday. However, since being healed, I get stressed just thinking about it. I keep thinking, they're so much work and I haven't even been back to my old self for very long yet! I also get worried that I'll go through a phase similar to the BCP ordeal when I have a baby. It terrifies me. So many women go through post-partum depression, and I REALLY don't want to have to go through that after having dealt with BCP! At this point, I can't even think about getting pregnant without feeling stress and anxiety.

    Does anyone else have this worry?

     
  19. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    YAY CONGRATS PINK LEOPARD!

    And Jen: Yes, I have the same fear. I'm in no hurry to have a baby but I've pretty much been looking forward to being a mom since I was a little girl. I love kids so much. But since this mess, I get negative thoughts about it. And I'm terrified of going through this ordeal again. The only thing I can hope is that (a) with pregnancy it'll be natural and therefore no synthetic hormones and (b) we'll be a little better prepared for it having survived it the first time. But I'm still terrified!

     
  20. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    I too have wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I try not to think about things that are too far into the future right now, because I know my brain will try to play some sort of trick on me. My brain has been temporarily affected by the bcp so until I'm 100% healed I'm just not going to go there [​IMG]

     

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