You're right, Pink Leopard. No more Internet searches. It's just been a hard week for me. My setbacks don't usually last this long. Because this one is lasting so long, it's making my mind think that something in me has changed and that I'll never feel better. I wish I could just shut my mind up. I agree that the study is BS, and I agree with Larissa that it was short term. Maybe those people weren't in the right relationships, or maybe they just didn't realize something was wrong with their hormones at the time. We're still hanging on and fighting for our relationships so that makes us different. If we didn't care, we wouldn't be here. I actually was with my boyfriend for a few months (and knew him for even longer) prior to birth control. But my mind still plays tricks on me about that. It tries to convince me that I wasn't happy then either, which isn't true. Just because I can't currently remember it doesn't mean I wasn't happy. I was. And my mind tries to mess with me in terms of the "honeymoon" period. I never got irritated with my boyfriend pre-bcp. We never fought or even bickered. He never bothered me. Now he irritates me a lot. So my mind will say that it means the rose-colored glasses from the honeymoond period are off and that I'm realizing that we're not as compatible as I thought we were. It's just all so ridiculous. My mind will try to convince me of anything. And thinking about the past when we were happy causes a panic attack. Someone just wrote a lyric to a song on Facebook that my boyfriend and I used to have fun with and laugh about last Christmas and I immediately felt resistance and panic when I read the lyric. So now, a fun memory has been ruined by anxiety. I just really hate this. I've dealt with such jerks all of my life and I've finally found someone perfect for me and my anxiety is ruining it and trying to sabotage it. I try to be strong but sometimes I just want to cry about how unfair this whole thing is. Ugh.