The Effects of Stopping Birth Control (part 3!).

Discussion in 'Archived Discussions' started by Raunchy-Row, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. shannon15

    shannon15 New Member

    Hi ladies,

    Sierra- it's great to know that the colostrum is working for you. Definitely keep us posted.

    What I wanted to know was... For those of you having the "bad boyfriend thoughts" when they calm down, so you feel the love for him again. A week and a half ago the thoughts calmed ALOT and it felt like we were getting back to normal.. But then, everything he was doing (things I used to love and giggle at) pissed me off so much. [​IMG] I definitely don't want this. He is so amazing and I love him so much. I just don't understand the compulsion I have to break up with him. He is so lovely and everything I want/ look for. We have been dating for 2 years and I don't want our journey to end here. PLEASE HELP LADIES.

  2. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    The postpartum link that Pink Leopard posted yesterday has really been helpful. In the first part alone, I had 14/17 symptoms. Crazy. One of the most important symptoms that stuck with me was this:

    "You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right."

    I think that symptom is extra important to take notice of. We all ended up on this board (and other ones) because something inside of us recognizes that something is not right here. We may feel like we believe the OCD thoughts, especially during a setback, but we need to remember that, deep down, the real us has never once believed these thoughts. It's why we're on these boards, doing research, and fighting for our relationships. Deep down, we know we love our boyfriends. And we love them a lot. If we didn't love them so much, we wouldn't have made it through the hard days. The fact that we're still here fighting and not giving up just proves how much love we have deep down.

    I wish I could take my own advice. This week has been a big setback for me. I'm ovulating though, and I've been out of herbs/vitamins all week so that's not helping. The hurricane messed up the shipping on my herbs but my acupuncturist will have them for me during my session tomorrow. Yay.

    Speaking of setbacks, the postpartum forum has a good article written on that where they explain that recovery is like a game of chutes and ladders. It helped to hear that setbacks are a normal part of the recovery process. I knew that, but thinking of it in terms of the game is helpful.

  3. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Ps: Sierra -- I am so excited for you! I hope the colostrum continues to work for you! That's great news!

    Shannon: Hang in there! I'm in the same exact boat. Everything you said, I go through too. I'm sorry we're nothing struggling. But we have to stay strong!

  4. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    IBelieveInUs: I'm SO glad that link helped helps me too, I keep referring to it and reading other articles in it.

    It's so hard to take our own advice isn't it? We can comfort others, but if only we'd listen to ourselves. haha.

    Ovulation seems to affect our feelings/thoughts. I know it does for a lot of us on here.

    Shannon15: You're getting there, just hang on! I know it's SO hard when you're feeling this way but it truly does get better. Are you ovulating right now? Or are you close to getting your period at all? I know that seems to be the toughest time for me.

  5. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    I was just reading this article from the same page as the postpartum anxiety article,

    How true is this?

    "Women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression can be very suggestible. What does that mean? It means you can hear or see something disturbing and then suddenly be convinced it relates directly to you. You can get a scary idea in your head and then not be able to get rid of it — it can sometimes get stuck in there and endlessly terrorize you. It’s best to surround yourself as much as possible with positive images so that upsetting thoughts don’t get the chance to enter your mind."

    I can't tell you how excited I am to have found this woman's website....god bless her!!! haha

    "3) Scary Thoughts – Most people think they’re in full control of their thoughts. I know I had no idea whatsoever that your mind could think a thought you didn’t want it to. Then I got introduced to intrusive thoughts, which are scary thoughts that enter your mind that you don’t want and that are very upsetting but that continue to plague you. Often they start with the phrase “what if,” as in what if I did this terrible thing or what if that awful thing happened? It’s like walking around having mini-nightmares all the time. Intrusive thoughts are a sign of postpartum anxiety and OCD, and NO, they do not mean you’ve turned into some horrible monster."

  6. SLynn17

    SLynn17 Member

    Wow, that's amazing! It is so true! They are like mini-nightmares all the time! Thank you so much for posting that, it really helps having a professional say the exact thing you're feeling!

  7. Evanessa

    Evanessa Member

    Hey Ladies,

    Hope you all feel better!

    Thank you so much for this website Pink Leopard! We are not crazy [​IMG]

  8. novi

    novi New Member

    Sierra: I'm so happy that you're having some luck with the colostrum!! Continue to keep us posted!

    Larissa: I did not have pain from intercourse on the Nuva Ring. But I did end up with a sort of cramping feeling and other symptoms that led me to believe I'd somehow gotten pregnant. At one point my insides felt like there was something growing on them and I showed up at the gyno demanding that he take an ultrasound because I was certain I had some sort of growth! That crazy mock pregnancy like feeling and symptoms were what led me to figure out the ring was ruining me and I threw it away immediately! That thing turned me into such a mess for so long!

  9. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Larissa: Intercourse post-pill is often painful for me, especially at first. It almost reminds me of how it would feel if I went a long time without sex and wasn't used to it, or something. But I have sex frequently so that's not what it is. And it's only happened post-pill so I think it's just another symptom of a hormone imbalance.

  10. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Another great article, Pink Leopard! That website is a god-send. And we are definitely very susceptible. Like we've talked about before, even certain quotes, lyrics, tv shows, and movies set us off into a panic of thoughts and anxiety. I feel like I should walk around with blindfolds and earmuffs at this point, lol

  11. shannon15

    shannon15 New Member

    Hi girls, last night I spent a fun night with my boyfriend. To cut to the chase... At first I was numb and wondering wtf was going on.. Then towards the middle of the time spent I was fine. I had a bad migraine which I believe took my thoughts off anxiety for alittle and we actually had fun cuddling last night. Then towards the end of the time together there I was again completely numb! Like its almost like I wouldn't care if we broke up but I know I would. UGH stupid anxiety. Curse the pill!

    On another note- my boyfriend of 2 years suffered from rocd about 9 months ago. He tells me what it was like and man, I know how rough it is. He constantly thought I didn't love him, would leave him, etc. he grew completely numb to me, basically hated everything he once loved about me. He has extremely bad anxiety and fights through it every time. I don't know what I would do without him. Yikes. Anxiety SUCKS.

  12. shannon15

    shannon15 New Member

    I was wondering if any of you have problems with sleeping... It's like I wake up 1-4 times a night. I don't have trouble falling asleep it's staying asleep. My dreams are so vivid and real I wake up out of terror. They play my worst thoughts over and over and over in my head and I spring awake.

    They are all about my boyfriend as well. Which actually makes me feel that I don't want to be with him. It sucks so much.

    Also, I have no desire to have sex what so ever. I don't even get turned on. Tmi. But it's true. Last month from the 8-21 seemed to be the 2 weeks where I was so anxious, attempted to break up with him, was a complete mess. So I guess I'm just going though that again.

    One more thing.., in the beginning of this I wanted the feeling to come back so bad, now it's like.. Ehh I don't know if I want it back or feel like I don't. (I think that's just the anxiety part) but has anyone else felt like this ? My bf said he did when he had it.

  13. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Shannon: I have trouble staying asleep too. I've been up since 6 am on a Saturday. Not fun. When I was really bad, I used to have vivid dreams constantly. I'd have dreams I was with another man and I'd wake up convinced that it was my subconscious telling me I didn't love my boyfriend. It's horrible what your mind can do. How did your boyfriend overcome ROCD?

    I'm still having a bad week but I finally have an acupuncture appointment this afternoon so hopefully that will help. I haven't seen my boyfriend in six days (he lives in another state) but I'm seeing him today which should help too. Even when I feel numb around him, kissing and cuddling helps me. It's the only thing I can hold onto sometimes. When I'm really bad, sometimes I just try to close my eyes and pretend to be kissing him and that helps a tiny bit. Of course, then the thoughts tell me that I just like the physical stuff and not the emotional stuff from my boyfriend and that means I don't love him. I just wish my mind would shut up already. I feel like my mind literally rejects everything about my boyfriend sometimes. And it's so self-deprecating too. My mind will say he's too nice and will find his attentiveness annoying. I feel like this hormonal imbalance has made me into a masochist. I hate it.

    Today I was reading a blog about studies that have been done with women on and off birth control and how women on bcp can be attracted to the wrong men. It was saying how after bcp, women realize the men aren't right for them and lose their attraction. Needless to say, this has been bothering me all morning. The thoughts are now telling me that this current me is the real me and that I simply just don't want to be with my boyfriend anymore and that I'm just in denial about it. Ugh. I really hate this. I wish these thoughts would go away [​IMG]

  14. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    ps: I'm sorry if that spiked anyone's anxiety. I didn't realize that it might when I sent it. I just feel so helpless after reading the article and I wanted reassurance.

  15. Larissa

    Larissa Member

    Hi Ladies,

    Shannon - I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. It sounds like you have open communication about it with your bf? My moods were affected while on the pill and it saved me having that communication with my DH. He understood that it was the pill doing it to me long before I did, and having that understanding and reassurance helped me immensely. Although I must say, there were times that endless reassurance couldn't have even helped me. I sympathize completely with what you are going through, and also with the lack of sex drive. I experienced that too and it was alarming. At times I wanted to want to have sex, but my body couldn't respond. It gave me a lot of feelings of inadequacy and heightened my anxiety. It helped that my DH would remind me it was just the hormones. Even though I knew that, it was like I needed to be told it again and again before I would believe it.

    As for the pain during intercourse - it did occur every single time while I was on nuvaring. I wasn't able to get interested in sex physically (if that makes sense) so I thought it was just that, although there's more to it than just dryness (lubrication did not help ease the pain at all). Since stopping hbc, I have gotten my sex drive back (which is amazing! I can't believe I lost a decade of these feelings!) So the two times I've attempted sex post hbc I've been very interested and my body felt completely ready...and then there was that familiar sharp tearing pain right away and some bleeding and I had to stop. I read that this is due to a hormone imbalance. Something about the liver not producing enough of a certain hormone that nuvaring is known to disrupt. Most of the women studied did not recover during the course of the study (I have no idea how long that was) so I've been a little curious to know more. (I wish I could find the source I read - it was hard to find, most sources just skirted the issue with "unknown causes.")

    Thank you all again for sharing your experiences and for listening! You ladies are wonderful!

  16. Larissa

    Larissa Member

    Hi I Believe in Us,

    I just saw your post...I can imagine how this would make you very anxious! I've been doing a lot of reading since going off hbc and was also startled by this study when I came across it. However, I do question it. It sounds like the problems with hormones can and often do cause a numbness towards significant others, as well as family members at times! A lot of women may react to this by giving up on their relationship in search of one that makes them feel better in the moment. That doesn't mean that the last person they were with was "wrong." It just tells us their reaction to what they were going through. I don't know the full details of the study, but I have realized that a lot of these studies are short term and many women take longer than that to recover from these imbalances.

    Your mind is going through so much now and is not in a place to be choosing who is "right" for you. Whatever connection that drew you to your bf when you were first together was real and based on what you say, I have complete confidence that it is still there, only sometimes your mind is so busy and struggling that you are unable to feel it. I think the mind just gets kind of maxed out sometimes.

    Also, did you see the update from David 123? I found that very encouraging. (By the way, I'm very happy for you David [​IMG] ).

    I'm sorry that you had to read that study while your mind was so vulnerable. I truly believe that once your mind heals your true loving feelings for your bf will be there waiting!


  17. IBelieveInUs

    IBelieveInUs Active Member

    Larissa: You have no idea how much that helped. Thank you! [​IMG]

  18. Hannahlouise

    Hannahlouise New Member

    Hi Ladies,

    So I've decided to go and see my doctor to see if there's anything that can be done for treating ROCD. I'm a bit worried that they'll just look at me with a blank expression and tell me that there's no such thing as ROCD - from what I've read there hasn't been wide recognition of the disorder in the medical world, but I know that this is ridiculous - we wouldn't all be here if it wasn't really affecting people. It was reading this article that made me decide to go, I hope you girls find it helpful (I'm sure a few of you will have already read it because it's one of the first google results for 'ROCD'):

    I was wondering if any of you have been given any form of anti-depressant medication for the ROCD? I've become pretty skeptical about prescription medication after this experience with the pill, but this article claims that it can really help OCD sufferers, so I'm tempted to try it if the doctor recommends.

    I had a mild form of ocd as a child, and then a different mild one since childhood (basically if any bad thought enters my head I have to repeat the words "Nothing bad will happen, nothing bad will happen" over and over again in my mind, and I feel if I don't do this then the bad think could happen, so ridiculous I know!!) but the way those OCD's make/made me feel and the way the ROCD makes me feel are so similar. Apparently a person can be prone to OCD, and therefore more likely to develop different types over the course of their lives. Which is reassuring!

    Pink Leopard: Am I right in saying that I remember you once mentioning having high cortisol levels when tested? Did the doctor make any link between this and your feelings? I've read a lot on the internet about the mental effects of high cortisol levels, e.g. anxeity, depression and rejection of others, I might see if the doctor can test me for this when I go. Also, thank you for that article - I'm certain that these feelings are a form of post natal depression!!

    Sierra: Keep us posted about the colostrum - definitely going to try some if it keeps working well for you!!

    I've been having a really varied time with the thoughts this week, they seem to be constantly on my mind which is crap! But every few days I'll have a rush of the loving feeling and for a few minutes feel exactly how I used to before all this happened - these moments make me so happy that I usually burst out crying! (thankfully they've only happened when I've been at home so I don't start blubbing in public, haha). So that's reassuring - I know that the love is still in there, it's just being clouded by this hormonal mess.

    Hope you girls are doing ok xx

  19. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    IBelieveInUs: ok ladies, I want us all to make a pact that we will stick to this board and this board only. No more researching. The only thing we are allowed to research is postpartum depression/anxiety. Because honestly, a lot of the "studies" out there are bullshit. There were TONS of women on here that were numb towards their HUSBANDS after the pill, but their feelings came back, the same will happen with our BF's. And they were even more in love with them than ever. You mentioned you were excited about moving in with your bf, HOLD ONTO THAT! That is the hope you need to hold onto because they're your TRUE feelings. These awful thoughts and feelings are temporary and we must not give into them. The anxiety is fueling those thoughts and making them seem real. A friend of mine that went through AA gave me a great quote, "FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real"....remember that.

    Have any of you considered bioidentical hormone creams? I know I mention them a lot but I've just completed my third cycle on them, and I don't want to jinx anything but I've been feeling VERY close to my old self again. I'm sleeping well, I'm enjoying my bf again and the bullshit thoughts are starting to dissipate! I'll be checking my hormone levels at the end of the month but the pill pretty much depleted almost ALL of my Estrogen and Progesterone.

    Keep reading the postpartum article I posted. There's a ton of great information on that website.

  20. PinkLeopard

    PinkLeopard New Member

    Oh and FYI: I wasn't on the pill the first 6 months of my relationship with my boyfriend, and I still developed rocd after the pill. So it just goes to show you that study is bullshit [​IMG]


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