Not a wedding kinda girl.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by MissAngela88, Jul 1, 2009.

  1. MissAngela88

    MissAngela88 New Member

    Hey guys!

    So, my husband and I are already legally married, but we're having the wedding in August because he is from Canada and we had to wait so that everyone had a chance to make it. While I like the idea of a big party with my friends and family, the idea of a wedding just makes me cringe. There's so much to plan, so much pressure, and to top it off, I'm immigrating after the wedding!
    What I'm worried most about is the ceremony. We already have a space in a redwood forest reserved, it's beautiful, but what about the vows? We aren't religious, so we're not going to use the prepackaged ones. My husband seems unperturbed by the idea of writing vows, but I am mortified!!
    I don't mind saying why I love my man in private, but in front of everybody? I'm not even a shy person, but I'm really dreading that part.
    If you're married, what was writing your vows like?

    A lot of other women supposedly look forward to this stuff, but I think I'm missing the wedding gene.
    Anyone have any advice for a more alternative wedding?

  2. kris1980

    kris1980 Member

    i am totally missing the wedding gene.. hate all of it.

    I have an image in my head of my SO and I- standing on a cliff- overlooking ocean- surrounded by 10-12 people- getting married. Then later throwing a huge party to celebrate.
    I like the idea of the ceremony being private/initimate. I hate the whole hoopla that surrounds weddings today.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  3. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    I also hate weddings and think they are a huge waste of money that could be better spent elsewhere. Besides, there are so many people that could screw up your day anyway. I just want to elope basically. My perfect wedding is to go to Las Vegas, rent a Ferrari, and get married at the drive-thru chapel. The other option that is pretty expensive is the Sandals resort at Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Wedding on the beach with the decoration package that is nothing but bright pink foofy things and flowers. LOL! I would just elope for that one, too. I'd much prefer the Las Vegas option though.

    Back on topic, I don't think I could ever write my own vows. I'd just prefer using something that was already written. If you have a problem with picking vows or don't want anything religious, there are books full of different types of wedding vows. I had one somewhere, but loaned it to a friend for her wedding and she lost it.

  4. MissAngela88

    MissAngela88 New Member

    I don't even really like Vegas and that sounds WAY more appealing to me right

    I always knew that there were weddings that cost in the thousands...but I thought it was only people who had money and liked that sort of thing. Little did I know, spending thousands is just sort of expected.
    We're trying to keep things relaxed and cheap, so we thought renting a big house for people to stay in and have the ceremony/party on the grounds. Well, turns out, as soon as you say the word "wedding", everything goes up two grand. How is a really big party and a wedding really any different?

    Luckily, we got a lot of the hard parts figured out: we're having the forest ceremony, and the reception at a campground. That part I'm actually pretty happy about because I feel like I have a clean slate to make our own kind of fun. We're not traditional people, so our reception is going to be a little more engaging and hands on. I really want it to me a memorable bonding experience for our two families and friends.

    Thanks bunnygirl, maybe I will look in a book or online for some inspiration on the vows.

    And Kris, I think your idea for a wedding is what I want...except my family is waaaay too large to limit to 10 - 12! lol..I can just imagine trying to pull that off.

    I don't want to scare anyone...I love being married and I think the actual day will be really amazing, but man, planning it is NOT on my top 10...

  5. Jessucka

    Jessucka New Member

    Im missing the wedding gene too, but I do want to get married.

    My ideal wedding would be to pick a tropical place to get away to and be married on the beach with just whoever it will be that marries us. No friends, no family. Just us. We're the only ones that need to hear those words to each other..

    Then we'd already be in the perfect honeymoon spot and we wouldnt have to worry about all of the other stuff. Although, I would like to have a reception like party once we were to return home. Just to make a scene for the family and help to make it feel official. Does that make sense?

    BF on the other hand, wants the big wedding. You'd think that with all of the talking he and I do about this stuff, I'd be engaged already. : P

  6. kris1980

    kris1980 Member

    I totally get it- i am not a wedding person- but i do want to get married. And 10-12 people wouldn't even cover my siblings and parents- lol. I think thats the appealing part of having a very private ceremony. I have a large family and so does my SO. I've been a bridesmaid 6 times already-and my baby sister will be married on July 18th- so i'm in the middle of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinner, dress fittings (or not fitting-lol), fights between my mom and sisters, honeymoon problems, other bridesmaids being biotches or not having money..

    YUCK! I want no part of it! I told my sister shes lucky shes the last of my siblings to get married b/c i will not accept any other bridesmaid offers after this.

    Sorry for the rant...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  7. id.ka

    id.ka New Member

    You don't have to write anything embarrassing and it doesn't have to be a Shakespearean sonnet either. Just write two or three of simple lines declaring your reason for wanting to spend the rest of your life with him and it can be elegant and sweet without the need of mushy details. Just sit down and think about why you're marrying him, write down all the reasons. Then strike out anything that may seem like over-sharing or rewrite it so that its less so. Then leave it for a couple of days and don't look at it, or read it or try to re-write it. Writers put distance between themselves and their work so that they can look at it with a "fresh pair of eyes." When you come back to it, see if it makes you cringe. Strike or rewrite parts that you find still too embarrassing. I think if you try this approach, you'll see your perspective shift to help you figure things out. [​IMG] Good luck, and don't be afraid of it!

  8. MissAngela88

    MissAngela88 New Member

    Thanks id. ka! That's exactly the kind of advice I need.

  9. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    My BF is the one that wants the big wedding, too. I don't. All his friends come from money and so does he, so it seems to be expected that he should have the expensive wedding. I keep telling him it costs too much money and I would rather spend it elsewhere, but he insists his dad would pay for all of it. That might be true, but his dad is already a control freak and it would end up being all about what his dad did and didn't wnat and to hell with what anyone else wanted. So not worth it. LOL!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  10. Jessucka

    Jessucka New Member

    Whats up with boys wanting big weddings? *lol* : D

    Anybody ever watch Bridzilla? That is my #1 reason for not wanting a wedding. Dealing with controlling parents and in-laws and fussy friends on top of all of the expenses.. Ugh. No thank you.

  11. Spell

    Spell New Member

    I am not a wedding person as well. It all seems too mushy and private for something so public.

  12. demon-dolly

    demon-dolly New Member

    That is exactly what I wanted to do as well. Didn't happen.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  13. JillF

    JillF Member

    Wow-- I had no idea so many women felt the same way I did about weddings!

    I never wanted to plan a big wedding and spend all that money on it. It just never appealed to me. I don't get excited thinking about all the organizing, and working and constant bickering that can go along with it.

    When my husband and I got married, we went to a justice of the peace. We had immediate family there only, Parents, grandparents and siblings. It cost us $150 total. Afterwards, we went out to eat at a nice restaurant.

    A couple of weeks later, my parents had a nice reception for us at the Holiday Inn. Very simple- nothing fancy, but it was really pretty because the Christmas decorations were up. It will be 11 yrs this Nov-- and we are still as married as anyone who had a fancy wedding. (actually, some of the people we know who had fancy weddings, are no longer married)

    My mom didn't mind at all. She never wanted a fancy wedding either. I guess I came by it honestly!

    I'm not really helping you am I?!

  14. MissAngela88

    MissAngela88 New Member

    Yeah, some people missed the part where I asked for some advice, but even knowing that there's other people who aren't all gaga over weddings is nice.

    My wedding is less than a month away. I've got all of the important stuff taken care of, and the rest, I'm sure will fall into place. Before, I was letting myself get stressed out. I've changed my attitude about it, and now I'm focusing on the good things that will make the day awesome.

    I think the best advice I could give to anyone is never let other people try to override your wishes. It's your wedding, so do it your way.

  15. kirasmart

    kirasmart New Member

    Sorry for retrieving this all thread, but my situation is very similar to the OP. We're already legally married for 5 years, but we're having the wedding in Vegas next summer. We want to gather all our friends and have a cool day. Is it worth to hire a wedding planner to arrange everything for us? I was recommended .


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