I feel so bad about myself. I realize that I use my marriage (my husband) to make my life even livable or worthwhile. I tell myself my marriage is so great but really it's not. Its like I have to convince myself it is because it's all I have. My mental stuff is disabling so I can't work and lately I feel well I know that my looks have gone way downhill. No decent guy would want a middle aged woman who can't even support herself or her children. So I am with my husband because I have nowhere else to go and no one else would want me. He doesn't really care about my feelings or try and be a good partner. I have to act perfect so we can get along. Always telling him how fabulous he is Yada Yada yada. I feel so trapped And so alone.