Even though I acknowledge that this isn't a new topic in this forum, I decided to write about my story; perhaps someone can relate to this. I am 27 years old and feel that I have been experiencing depression for 15 years, since my family moved to a new country. I have adapted and my life isn't probably too bad- I am working on a career that I really wanted, have good friends, great boyfriend- even though our relationship isn't an easy one, since it's long distance. As with everyone, some days are better and others worse, but I think that I have felt if not depression, then at least blues at some point every DAY in these years. Some days it's so bad that I don't want to go on and I can even end up harming myself, and it still happens. I hated the new country we moved to. I was bullied at the school for being a foreigner and later, as a teenager, I was stalked by someone in my high school a few years older. That person would follow me everywhere and threaten that he would kill himself because of me... As a teenager, I believed it was my fault and this situation, which continued for almost a year until I moved to a different city, has left it's mark on me and I am still scared of running into him, although many years have passed. I have secretly battled with eating disorders, sometimes have anxiety or panic attacks that are difficult to control. Yet most people see me as really calm and almost can't believe if I ever tell them of these out-of-control moments. Only the closest people who have witnessed them, my parents and boyfriend, know how bad it is. According to their words "I am not really myself and totally out of control" in these moments. I can start crying, shouting, shaking, mumbling something... It's very strong for me and I usually don't remember well what I did afterwards. Over time, this made me so unconfident. Before, I was able to mask it, but not anymore. I feel like I'm losing at everything. I feel like an adult who needs to have their life together. But I am so tired of feeling sad, worthless and anxious. But after all these years, can I really manage to pull myself out of it and be a happy, whole person? Because, surely I have had great experiences that I should be grateful for, but at the end of the day, sadness always finds me and I feel there is something deeply wrong with me.