Infants to 1 Year - Part 6

Discussion in 'Babies & Toddlers' started by gutterflower, Dec 10, 2011.

  1. HWG#2

    HWG#2 New Member

    BG-RJ is so adorable! What a nice haircut!

    So, my two cents on the sleeping thing: societal "norms" are rarely normal. In my opinion, they are usually more like urban legend (unless you are RJ, which sounds like a dream!!). Babies are programed to need closeness to mama, and while some are much more easy going about transitioning to solo-sleeping, some are not. It's a survival instinct for them. I know it's funny to think about it in those terms, but if you think about it, they come out of the womb completely helpless and very used to YOU. In the caveman days, physical closeness meant they weren't going to get eaten by something AND they could guarantee thier own food supply. Babies have really changed very little since thoses primative times-despite our culture of promoting independence. Just because there is a baby monitor in the room doesn't mean their little brains tell them it's ok to be alone.

    I know this is a very "granola" response, but this really started to make sense to me after reading a book called "Our Babies, Ourselves" by Meredith Small. Very cool anthropological look at why babies are the way they are. With James, this kind of thing bothered the hell out of me..."why can't he just SLEEP so I can get something done??". And his sleep was SOOOO bad day and night I really thought I was loosing my mind by about 18 mos, when he actually started sleeping (but, by that point his issues were very specific-I know it usually happens much faster than that).

    So, short-term solutions: do what EVERYONE tells you to do while your expecting-sleep while baby sleeps. Dishes will be there later. At least once a day, let yourself doze off w/ them. or, while they are tiny, wear them. They will certainly sleep on YOU while you are moving. Lastly, try a swing, bouncer, etc.-something that can give some motion. This gave me the break I needed usually in 1 hour increments until James was about 6 mos old and stopped liking it. Joseph likes it well enough to spend a couple 1-hour stents in it during the morning hours. So, the dishes get done, a load of laundry happens and I get a shower. Anything else is icing on the cake that day.

    I know-not the magic response. But, I find that having realistic expectations (which are unique to each kid) helps me deal w/ the difficulty of baby sleep issues. I am in a much better frame of mind about it w/ Joseph than I was w/ James...and Joseph won't sleep at night unless he is ON TOP OF ME (not even the swing works then!) And-if all else fails-repeat after me "THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!" Best words my MIL ever spoke to me. It DOES pass (although then I had another one and it started all over again [​IMG] ).

    Sorry for the novel-baby sleep issues hit close to home since I spent SOO long looking for answers w/ James. Where is Row?? I am sure she has some great wisdom on this!!

  2. iampam

    iampam Active Member

    Eddie turns one today! We'll have his birthday party this evening, I can't wait [​IMG]

  3. TDG

    TDG New Member

    BG--Hes a doll! W is no where near needing a haircut yet. My kids are sooo slow to grow hair! haha.

    Pam--Happy Bday Eddie!! He will change even more from 1-2! Enjoy!!!

    HWG--I couldnt agree with that post more. I think that I just naturally had that attitude/ideals before my first was even born and I think that played a huge part in me thinking newborns arent that difficult. You just need to see the world from their view. People who dont agree with those views say that babies who arent forced to be independant grow into dependant children but I havent found that to be true even a little. In their own time they become very independant(before age 4 in my experience). Ive had soooo many ppl tell me how wrong it is to cosleep and hold a baby all the time, but my kids are awesome and not even close to spoiled needy brats so I just dont agree! haha.

  4. HWG#2

    HWG#2 New Member

    Happy Birthday, Eddie! Hope the party was great!!

    TDG-I think because I didn't have that understanding the first time is a big part of why it was so hard for me to understand and deal w/ the lack of sleep during the early months. This time I find it so much easier to be comfortable spending lots of time holding Joseph and understanding that he will sleep independently when ready (and by independently I mean in bed, but NOT on top of me). Funny thing is-by accepting that, I think I get more done simply because I am not constantly fighting it.

    My favorite thing people tell me about co-sleeping is "Oh, you'll NEVER get them out of your bed!" Really? Does anyone know of a teenager who still wants to sleep w/ thier parents? Not that I would want them in there anywhere near that long, but seriously! Someday I will look back and be sad that my kiddo's don't need me like this better believe I am going to enjoy it now! There is SOOO much research that shows how secure attachment in the younger years leads to very secure children and adults. We co-sleep, baby-wear and I still rock James to sleep every night...and I am constantly impressed w/ his daily strides toward independence.

  5. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    LOL TDG! My friend's daughter is 2-1/2 and just starting to get some fuzz.

  6. Confused-Hasya

    Confused-Hasya Active Member

    HWG and TDG, I so agree about dependency and co-sleeping having no connection whatsoever.

    M co-slept from day 1. Now, it is "My do it", "my do it". For everything. Wearing clothes, eating, everything. Of course, not all the time. But often enough to make me hop a bit when in a hurry.

    She does sleep in a crib now at times, but she's been sick so much lately, that she wants close contact. She almost got better from one cold and now she has one more. Probably an after-effect of weaning? She's not fully weaned yet but it has come down to once or twice a day. Or just the random weather changes. Grrrrr.

    Pam, how did the party go?

  7. *mel*

    *mel* Super Moderator Staff Member

    Believe it or not I do know of a teenage girl that still sleeps with her mum whenever she can!!! My sister also had terrible trouble getting her daughter to sleep in her own bed, didn't manage untill she was about 7 or 8! It got to the point where her husband was having to sleep in the little girls bed becuse they didn't all fit in the bed!

    Luke has slept in our bed twice in his whole life and both times have been when he was ill. He has to be very ill to want to though. Even when he was teeny tiny he slept better alone, but then he has always been a dream sleeper so I guess i just got very lucky with him [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  8. Confused-Hasya

    Confused-Hasya Active Member

    But these are very rare cases, Mel. Co-sleeping is very common in India (at least was, in my time as a child), but I've not seen many teenagers sleeping with their parents. I have fallen asleep chatting with my parents, but didn't actually sleep in their bed on a regular basis.

  9. *mel*

    *mel* Super Moderator Staff Member

    Oh I know! lol! It just made me laugh because that teenager I know of, they tried EVERYTHING to get her to sleep in her own bed and nothing worked!

    I can say, most of the people I know that co-slept, did have trouble when it got to the point the child needed to go in their own bed, but I am obviously talking WAY before the teenage years normally!

    Each to their own. Co-sleeping isn't for me. On the odd occasion we have done it I can't relax and don't sleep well. I can see why people do it though, whatever works for each family.

    For the record I agree with most of HWG's post and it really used to get on my nerves when people would tell me not to hold Luke too much as a newborn or it would "spoil" him. Grr...

  10. HWG#2

    HWG#2 New Member

    Amen, mel! Whatever works for each family. As long as sleeping arrangement (as well as all interactions) are respectful of everyone's needs...doesn't matter how you accomplish it! And yeah, "spoiling the baby"...pfffttt. Babies should be held...that's what they are made for! I actually feel a physical absence when not holding I am missing an arm or something!

    I anticipate the need for some "creative" transitions to thier own beds, but when it's right, it will work. Certainly not going to stress about it now! I often wonder when people discuss much older children not wanting to go to thier own beds, what is going on behind the scenes that makes them so resistant and/or insecure. Ya know? DH and I decided early on, if we were to let James co-sleep, it would be long term. I can't imagine the message it sends to a small child to have that security and then have it ripped away before they are fully ready. Just my perogative on it though...we all just do what we have to do to make it work, right!?

  11. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    I know a ton if people with toddlers and a little older that can't get their kids out of their beds now and into their own rooms after cosleeping. That's the first teenager I've heard of though. Crazy. One of my coworkers has been complaining for months that her almost 9-year-old son won't sleep in his own bed/room and never has. She's totally convinced it's because she willingly coslept with him until he was 2 before trying to move him over.

    I never even consider the issues with getting kids in their own beds after cosleeping when deciding it was definitely not for me. I only consider the safety side of it (I've run across far too many cosleeping injuries as a transcriptionist and now in urgent care). I kept RJ in a bassinet next to our bed until he was 6 months old and then moved him to his crib in his own room. I would have left him in his bassinet longer, but he was sitting up and leaning over the edge of it at this point and it was no longer safe to go so.

  12. iampam

    iampam Active Member

    The party went well! I wish I had scheduled more time for it. Eddie got a ton of presents, way more than I was expecting.

    The only drama was I sat Eddie in the middle of a table to open his presents. When he was done, some of the kids started leaving, and I ran over to get goody bags for him. There were plenty of people around the table... but most of them were kids under the age of 10, and my friends I think were talking to each other and distracted. So of course Eddie fell off the table! I was pretty freaked out, but I took him into another room to nurse him, and he had pretty much calmed down before I even got the boob out. He nursed for like 30 seconds and was fine. I never found any bumps or bruises, one of my friends said it didn't look like too hard of a fall. I still feel like a terrible mom though [​IMG]

    He did have a blast eating all of the icing from the cake.

  13. iampam

    iampam Active Member

    As far as sleeping though, right now, Eddie goes to bed and naps in his Pack n Play in our room. When he wakes up to nurse, he generally ends up in bed with us after that. Mainly because I am tired and don't want to have to get up any more than necessary.

    Unfortunately DH is not enjoying the co-sleeping. We're moving in a month and I think we'll work on getting him out of our bed then. I am kind of sad about it, but it will be better for me and DH.

  14. TDG

    TDG New Member

    We use a transition approach..moving them to a mattress on the floor in our room, then eventually to their own room. We use lots of positive things like rewards for staying in their bed/room. Eventually B stayed in his own room, and hasnt got in bed with us even once since. E is on the floor in our room and ends up in our bed sometimes, but he is only 2 so Im not expecting much more yet. Part of me looks forward to the day I can stretch out in my own bed again, and part of me knows I may never be able to sleep good because Ill be so lost without a little person to cuddle! lol. I think Ill have to get a teddy bear..or a dog or something! haha [​IMG]

    Pam--Im glad the party was good, other than the fall! Its bound to happen to every kid eventually, dont feel bad!

  15. HWG#2

    HWG#2 New Member

    pam-SOOO sorry to hear about the fall! Don't worry though...we ALL do it (or something along those lines). He's a big boy now [​IMG] so he'll be fine! Glad the party went great!

    I'm w/ you TDG-slow transition. We will likely do a sibling-bed transition. Yeah, not sure what I will do when DH and I have our Cal King all to ourselves!! My kidney's won't know how to function w/o getting kicked all night!

    As for co-sleeping safety, I think this is one area that should be advocated more for. The fact is, a lot of parents co-sleep at one point or another (either willingly or because they are just too tired to fight it anymore). Instead of everyone saying DO NOT sleep w/ your child, we should be saying "if you are going to sleep w/ your child, here are the VERY NECESSARY safety precautions...". There are people/families who are not good candidates for bed sharing, but simply saying it should not be done at all is IMO more dangerous. As for us, we have a side-carred crib, so once ths rug-rat stops sleeping ON TOP of me all night, he will have his own space...but still on the same surface as us. James is so big, he can safely sleep in the middle now.

  16. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    I was so irritated a few months ago when a bunch of FB friends were posting on their statuses an article about a couple being charged with manslaughter over the death of their cosleeping infant. They were all commenting on how horrible it was to charge them. However, if they would have bothered to read the article they would have seen this was not the first baby they had suffocated or crushed to death while cosleeping. I believe it was their third cosleeping death of infants under 3 months old. Clearly these people had no business having a baby in their bed!

  17. TDG

    TDG New Member

    Omg BG are you serious?? Who would do that even once again if they accidently killed their baby!! Obviously some people sleep too deep to do it safely.(or use drugs or whatever) DF in fact sleeps too deep and so our small babies never go between me and df. Thats really awful tho! At this point Waylon is more likely to sufficate me or df than us hurt him! lol.

  18. labby06

    labby06 Active Member

    So this may sound like a dumb question, but how do those of you that co-sleep find the opportunities to even get pregnant again??? That has always baffled me, lol! I, personally, could never co-sleep full time. There are nights where they end up in bed with us, but more often than not they stay in their own beds. We only have a queen size bed so there is just no room. I hate when Olivia climbs in with us because she's constantly moving around and kicking. I hate when Caitlin ends up with us because I'm always a nervous wreck about suffocating her or something either with the blankets or by rolling on her or whatever. While we have sleep issues, they always have seemed to do better in their own rooms. Night time is the only time DH and I get to ourselves, and I prefer to keep it that way!

  19. TDG

    TDG New Member

    LOL! Well it isnt too difficult...obviously! :p All of my kids are VERY sound Evan on the floor isnt a prob. As far as Waylon goes we either lay him on the couch for a bit after he goes to sleep, push him off in one corner of the bed(wouldnt do that with an older baby or a smaller bed lol), or we use naptimes, babysitters, etc to the best of our ability. haha! "Alone time" doesnt have to be in bed! :p And just to be clear, we arent doin it all the time so I dont want to give that impression. We extremely rarely have alone time...but we are extremely fertile. lol.

  20. BunnyGirl19

    BunnyGirl19 Super Moderator Staff Member

    We don't have any extra room in our bed either and I'd be too worried about one of us smashing a baby or knocking it on the floor. That and I would not sleep well at all worrying about it. That and I like my sex if I can get it, which would be quite difficult with a baby in bed. As it was, at 6 months old RJ sat up in his bassinet and starting laughing while we were having sex. He was in his own room two nights later. LOL


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