I Just Don't Know Anymore....

Discussion in 'Mental Wellbeing' started by TheShortOne, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. TheShortOne

    TheShortOne Member

    I'm not sure if this should go in here, since it's related to both mental health and contraception, but at the moment the mental health bit is more pressing.

    I think I'm an obsessive weigher (I think about weighing myself a lot and when I do if the number is even a bit higher, I freak out on myself and feel bad, stupidly.)...I'm 5'2 and 104.5 pounds at the moment (the .5 just appeared and it made me feel like absolute crap). I don't even try to exercise or lose weight, I just have a naturally high metabolism, but I still think of myself as fat (body image issues?)

    Also (this is the part related to contraception) I think being on the pill has made me depressed and I know for a fact I become unreasonably emotional, to the point where my boyfriend complains (One day I was messaging him whilst playing a game and raged that I was going to throw the game across the room because it was making me angry. Then, he had to leave for work. A few moments after he left, I started crying because I was going to miss him so much during the few hours until I could talk to him during his break.) I used to be 'normal' (not as emotional) but after getting on the pill, I am constantly paranoid that I could be pregnant, extremely overemotional, prone to massive mood swings, and have thoughts bordering on self-harm, etc.

    I know depression runs in the family (my mother has post-partum depression that she got after having me...wonderful thing to have to blame yourself for, being the reason your mother is depressed), but I'm not sure about the other symptoms. I mentioned possibly having an issue to my mother but she managed to force me to tell her I was mentally fine (I think she didn't want to deal with the possibility that her daughter isn't perfect).

    Could these issues be just me, or is it partially the pill causing it? (Or for that matter, society and parental pressures?)

    Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to get it all out [​IMG]

  2. GreenTea

    GreenTea Super Moderator Staff Member

    Probably all of the above. But it isn't "just" you if by "just me" you mean to dismiss yourself--which is usually what people mean when they say that. It's about you because you are experiencing this, and you have all of those factors in your life as likely causes.

    What you haven't mentioned in this post, but have mentioned elsewhere, is your troubled family relationships. Don't exclude that as a factor--it's a very big one.

    The pill has driven many women crazy whether or not they had any personal or genetic precedent for going crazy... as you know from our Contraception forum. What about going off the pill? And if you're not ready to consider that, what about trying supplements? There's a thread titled "Supplement info for coming off the pill" stickied in Contraception. Even if you're still on the pill, many of those supplements could be taken with it. They might not stop the craziness altogether if you're still taking the pill, but then again, they might help.

    It does sound like you need to seek counseling therapy ASAP. You're in college; could you get it through your school?

    If nothing else, your relationship with your mother would be reason enough for therapy. Your obsession with weight would also be reason enough for therapy. Not to mention your pill related depression.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  3. TheShortOne

    TheShortOne Member

    I know the parental factor is part of it. I've suggested to my mom that I try taking vitamin B but she simply brushes it off saying the chewable multivitamins (made for children and adults!) are good enough and when SHE was on the pill, she didn't need anything special. I could get counseling through college, but frankly I don't think it would help...I don't like talking about my issues, because I feel like a burden if I do. And knowing my luck they would contact my parents about it and then that would just suck.
    I didn't mean 'just me' as a dismissive thing, but rather if it's just how I would have been whether I went on the pill or not.

  4. GreenTea

    GreenTea Super Moderator Staff Member

    So why don't you just go buy your own vitamins? You're 18. You no longer need your mom's permission for anything. Even if you were under 18, you wouldn't need parental permission to take dietary supplements--just the money to buy them and the means to get to the store.

    That right there is proof that you would benefit highly from counseling. You have the right to air your issues and be heard--and for a counselor, hearing people's issues is their lifeblood. People who don't talk about their issues are more burdensome than people who do.

    Again, you're 18. That makes you a legal adult. When you're an adult, it's illegal for any professional you see to disclose to anyone--including your parents--that they've seen you as a client, unless you give them explicit written permission to do so. And this is college, not high school. They'll treat you as an adult--confidentiality laws apply. Having received counseling services through college when I was a student, I can testify to that firsthand.

    The only way to find out if the pill has anything to do with it is to stop taking the pill and see if you see improvement. To confound matters, improvement might not happen immediately even if the pill is a factor. No matter what, you need and deserve to take care of yourself, and to receive any help you need.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  5. TheShortOne

    TheShortOne Member

    I can't stop taking the pill. My mother would ask why (she's the one who fills the prescriptions, as there are no pharmacies within walking distance of both my house and college) and if I didn't have a good reason ('because I think it's affecting my mind' wouldn't work; I tried that and she yelled at me until I broke down and told her FINE I'm not depressed, happy? (she said yes to that)

    Also, I may have the money to get the vitamins, and the means to get there, but I don't feel like spending months trying to explain to my parents why I need them. (They are my only way to a store, and I can't get to my money without them taking me to a bank either...I need to get a permit, but then my mom might have to take me somewhere! -gasp- Additionally, she doesn't want me to get a permit because then she would have to try and teach me to drive, she doesn't seem to trust my dad to (he drives with hand controls, may be why) and she already told me she doesn't want to teach me because it would bore her ('You'd be driving around our circle for MONTHS before I let you so much as turn up the hill!')

  6. chrisclo

    chrisclo Member

    I think GreenTea's advice so far is pretty sound. On the transportation issue: could you take the bus to the store? Could your boyfriend drive you? Could you give your boyfriend the money and he just buy the vitamins for you? In fact, could he help you get your permit to drive yourself?

    You say you know your parent issues are a part of the problem, but have you noticed how every possible solution is rebutted by "my mom wouldn't like it..."? Either you need to establish a healthier, more adult/equal relationship with your mother - probably with help from a counselor -- and/or you need to move out of her house and otherwise disentangle yourself from the ways she can manipulate you.

    It sucks, but there isn't really an answer to your other problems (which are actually symptoms) that can be dealt with until you deal with your real problem, M-O-M.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  7. GreenTea

    GreenTea Super Moderator Staff Member

    You live in the dorms most of the time, don't you? Surely there's a friend with a car who could give you a ride to the store now and then, and other places you need to go? And does your school have any kind of shuttle service? Is there public transportation in the area? Not all college students have cars, and many residential campuses have some way for them to get into town when necessary.

    Just because your mom insists on filling your prescriptions doesn't mean you have to keep taking the pill, and you don't even necessarily have to tell her you're stopping. Once you have the pills in hand, whether you swallow them or not is under your control. You can feed them to the dog (not recommended for the dog's sake, but you get the point) or put them under your dorm bed or throw them in the trash, for all the difference it would make to your mom.

    And when it comes to learning to drive, again, it doesn't have to be your mom who teaches you. Anyone over the age of 18 who's willing to let you practice in their car could do it. And now that you're 18, you can sign for yourself. You don't need your mom's permission to get a driving permit.

    If a driver's license isn't in your near future, what about getting a bike? Those are much cheaper than cars, and you don't need any license to ride one. And it would solve your problems with getting to the store, unless all the stores are miles down the highway. When I was in college, I biked the two miles to the nearest grocery store every week. Worked just fine.

    You're letting your mom have way too much control over your life. It sounds like she's been controlling you so much that you don't even have a clear picture of where she leaves off and you begin.

    All the more reason to meet with a counselor. Why not schedule an appointment? One appointment isn't a commitment to long term counseling, just a chance to meet and see if you feel you can work with them.

  8. Popcorn2013

    Popcorn2013 New Member

    As far as the depression the bc could very well be making depressed! And I say that because if its the bc it's only going to get worse and if that's whats causing it in a week or so you will a100 times better. I was on it for almost a year before I started having depression. Mine got so bad that was to the point I wanted to kill myself, my bf, or just anyone who looked at me wrong. And none of that was like me, I've always been happy go lucky! I would cry for no reason all (I wasn't a crier at the time). Atleast talk to your doctor and see if they won't change it to something else they will understand!!


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