i am lost and need help

Discussion in 'Overcoming Infertility' started by sawyuna, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. sawyuna

    sawyuna New Member

    i found out i had fibroid at 3cm 3 years ago. the doctor told me to leave it as it is unless there were changes in my periods. 4 months ago it grew to 10cm and my tummy was round. the doctor thought i was 3 months pregnant. less than a month ago i had it removed, along with my womb as it can't be saved. i am 25, never married, never had kids and now unable to have kids.
    everything was normal until recently i started to feel sad. i cry at times thinking about the future i always imagined which now will never come. i got engaged last year and he was by my side during the surgery and he's still with me. we kept this information a secret even from his family. i am afraid what they might think of me and how they would react. is that selfish of me?
    i want to have kids of my own. i kept the ovaries and the doctor told me to consider surrogacy but it's costly. and the amount of time and patience needed for this, i'm not sure if we can stand. i see children everywhere. i see pregnant moms almost all the time. i am jealous and angry. i want to be a mother too. i want to feel and have the glow. now, many friends and family members are expecting a wedding but my partner and me are just lost after the surgery. we don't know how to cope and we never talked about it. everything is like before the surgery. but i am in pain and i have no one to talked to.

  2. escondida

    escondida New Member

    I understand you so well, all these women with children around, it seems they haunt me. The feeling of anger and frustration inside that noone can understand, even the closest family. You are right, don't discuss it with anyone around, because they will not understand and may judge you. I hope, the future will bring happiness to you, maybe in the ways you cannot see now. We cannot lose hope.

  3. Confused-Hasya

    Confused-Hasya Active Member

    Sawyuna, I just saw this post. You posted just the once, so I don't know if you're reading on here.

    You are not being selfish at all! My goodness, so many of us had either a m/c or an ectopic, even leading to a tube being removed and we felt the hurt and anger. I cannot even imagine your situation. I sincerely hope that you can find a surrogate. All the best!

    I hope your fiance stands by you in this difficult time and continues to do so always.

  4. Annie22143

    Annie22143 New Member

    I am so sorry. In a way I know how you feel. In 2009 I had my left ovary removed due to Cysts and shortly after that, my Fiance passed away so, the whole baby and hubby thing went out the window for the longest time. After a couple of years I have someone I love very much and we've been TTC as well but, no such luck. Over a year of unprotected sex and still nothing. My periods come every 30-35 days every single month, yet I do not think I'm ovulating. I've taken ovulation tests and all came up negative. My Gyno says everything is okay and that I can have kids but something inside me feels like I can't. That I'm setting myself up for a loss. This month I was over a week late and getting crazy symptoms and this morning when I woke up and went to the rr, I started. I was devistated and started crying. There is nothing I want more than to have a piece of me and the man I love out in the world. Someone to love and look forward to everyday and who will love me unconditionally. I am right there with you when you say you get angry and jealous when you see friends and other women all around you getting pregnant. I know that when I hear that kind of news I just blow it off like "big deal", I'm happy for them but in a sense I feel like it should be me instead. You should talk to your DH about the other options for children. Maybe surroget? Or adoption? Don't give up! You'll have your bundle of joy when the time is right!


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