How do you give a BJ without it being awkward?

Discussion in 'Female Sexuality' started by sallyvally, Dec 15, 2010.

  1. sallyvally

    sallyvally New Member

    My boyfriend really wants me to try giving him a bj, but I'm really nervous! I understand the concept but like how would I do this without making it awkward. Oh and another thing, when giving one, what do you do with the stuff in your mouth?!?! Ugh I feel like I'm old fashioned and I've told myself I'd never give one, but I wanna try it before saying no. Help!!

  2. anziano

    anziano New Member

    Unfortunately you're only going to get the male side of the equation from me. There are sex-manual type books that cover some of the basics of a goodf BJ and actually even some websites that you can find by Google'ing fellatio. However, some of them are realtivel bogus and obviously written by men and some will lead you to porn sites. Have you ever considered or have you actually watched some x-rated videos with your BF or alone that could help you see the process in action? Then, it's also important that you and your BF work this out with sensitivity and mutual understanding. If he's just out to get his rocks off and use you for a quickie, that could be a deal breaker for you.

    As for what to do with the "stuff"....again from the male side of the equation, nothing is more intimate and erotic than flat out swallowing it. It won't hurt you and depending on what he's been eating and drinking, it won't taste that bad. I've had women, including my wife, who have expressed opinions that varied from "don't mind it" to "love it". It's probably a bit of an acquired taste like single-malt scotch but then again a guy enjoying the taste of his lady's juices is also a bit of an acquired taste. Hopefully, he's providing you with the joy of your orgasm on his face and he's not just pushing you to do him without returning the favor.

    Good luck. Keep the faith. You, like many others in generations before you, may find that it can be a very interesting, erotic, intimate, and enjoyable experience.

  3. M-Chan

    M-Chan Member

    I would take it slow. Start by just licking, kissing, exploring it with your lips, tongue, hands, eyes. Then, you can just take it into your mouth, avoid the teeth, give a light suction, move up and down, around, and use your hands! Experiment and find something he likes, every guy is probably different.

    This is probably weird, and a turn-off to many I am sure, but I keep in mind that the penis is kind of like the clitoris, just a lot bigger, so I can 'connect' myself to his body, and become in-tune with it. Of course I don't literally think of it that way, but it helps to keep in the back of your mind that their organs are like yours, just put together differently, and some of the same rules apply.

    Some guys like a soft suction, some a hard, and sometimes it depends on how far along they are (no different from women). Sometimes my boyfriend likes it when I use no hands at all, and just lightly suck and move up and down, very gently. What works best to really get him off is using both hands and kind of squeezing and twisting while sucking on the head, occasionally brining my hands over the head and bring them both down over his head like he was entering a vagina, or removing a hand and going down with my mouth. Ok, this is hard to explain. Probably best to watch some videos of it (I know I have).

    Don't be afraid of using a lot of saliva.

    I think it is a mistake to follow ultra-specific 'rules', because you have to get yourself 'in-tune' with your partner's body. Pick up some techniques, but it will vary how they will be used, and when. To be a good lover you have to kind of figure out what is going on with their body and what they want at that moment.

    Swallowing is the easiest way to get rid of it.

    What he can do for you:

    Trim or shave the pubic hair. It is really distracting when you get a pubic hair in your mouth or throat. Ugh I can't stand that feeling!

    Eat well. Anything that makes urine smell funny will effect the experience. The precum will give off that scent and so will the semen. My boyfriend and I almost never eat asparagus anymore. Alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, red meat, can all make it taste and smell less pleasant. Eating fruits and vegetables will make it sweeter!

    The same could go for you I suppose when receiving!

  4. Thonger

    Thonger Member

    I've read from many different sources that pineapple juice is the best thing he can drink to make his cum taste better. Ditto on M-Chan's suggestions of foods. Also, ditto on her suggestion that he could trim or shave. I shave myself because the blowjobs feel better without hair getting in the way, and the girls appreciate not getting hair in their mouth.

    I think watching some porn will be your best learning tool. Personally, I don't like a lot of hand stroking. I like to feel her tongue and lips on it the most. Thing to keep in mind is that the head of his cock is the most sensitive part. Especially his pee slit! If you lick back and forth along there, you should elicit a lot of moans from him. If he gets too excited too quickly, lick up and down his shaft with your tongue. Also lick his balls. I know some guys don't like having their balls licked or sucked on, but lots of guys (me included) do love it. My best blow jobs are when she gets me excited by licking and sucking the head of my cock for a while, then lets me cool off by licking the shaft and balls. Licking the perineum just under the balls is also a very erogenous spot. Then she'll repeat the process and get me to the edge a few times before allowing me to cum. Swallowing is the most intimate and erotic way of getting rid of it. Also, don't freak out if he gets some on your face. It isn't going to kill you and is a very erotic look.

    Listen to his responses as you lick/suck different parts of his cock. That will give you the best indication what he likes. Also it doesn't hurt to ask him what he likes and what he wants you to do.

    Good luck.

  5. Madlydeeply

    Madlydeeply New Member

    Blue powerade works really well for the taste too and doesn't seem completely abnormal.

  6. eveningstar

    eveningstar New Member

    Just will come to you on what to do.

  7. MNM

    MNM New Member

    <span style="font-size: 17pt">SWALLOW with a smile</span> [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  8. enough_already

    enough_already New Member

    That really is the best advice, MNM. Now that I've seen both worlds, I don't have any idea why I put up with the anticipatory "bitter taste" face for all those years.


  9. LilMissNaughty

    LilMissNaughty New Member

    What about swallowing with a slurp?....[​IMG]

  10. MNM

    MNM New Member

    That's even better hun, leave it to the naughty one to point out something even more yum yum!!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  11. GrahamS

    GrahamS New Member

    that would be impressive and amusing too. I'm sure I would smile if I got that reaction.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  12. LilMissNaughty

    LilMissNaughty New Member

    I definitely havent had any complaints to date... [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2013

  13. sallyvally, in addition to the good advice above I'd offer this: Think of it as kissing him, and as him kissing you. What types of kisses do you two like to share? What is it about those kisses that makes them so mutually delicious and leaves you wanting more? How have your kisses evolved as you've grown together?

    Society tends to give us lots of emotional baggage, often negative, about what oral sex is supposed to be like or for, and teaches us to refer to it in one-sided shorthand terms like "bj" or "going down." Don't think of it as a bj. Don't think of it as some mechanical task that you have to perform to give your boyfriend an orgasm. Think of it as kissing--and help him think of it as kissing also.

    Sometimes kisses are very soft and gentle, sometimes much more passionate, sometimes slow and sensuous and erotic, sometimes just comforting and connected. All types can be beautiful and mutually wonderful at the appropriate times and places. No single type is enough if none of the others ever happen. None are worth a damn if only one partner is enjoying them, or if they're about taking rather than sharing and communicating. It takes time and practice to learn together all the whens, hows, variations, timings, individual preferences and responses, etc.

    Orgasm can be an amazingly mutually lovely part of the shared experience, but it's only one part--not the only one, and not the only one that matters, and not the goal or the end. As with any other lovemaking position, it can be incredibly exciting to build up passion--and then back off, drawing out the experience, perhaps moving to other lovemaking positions--before once again building up the passion. As with any other lovemaking position, sometimes orgasm is elusive--but the lovemaking itself can still be incredibly beautiful for its own sake. And as with any other lovemaking, some slow intimate kissing and cuddling is incredibly nice after the intense passion finally recedes.

    As for what to do with the "stuff," I'd say the only thing *not* to do is to let it break the sense of sharing and connection: Don't jump up and run to spit it out, leaving him suddenly alone and feeling as if he's done something bad to you. Swallow it, or stay nestled close to him and just let it flow back out of your mouth and don't worry about where it goes, or set some tissues nearby beforehand so you can reach them without having to pull away from him. As you gain experience together, let yourself be open to whatever happens--as with any other type of intimate kissing, the wetness itself can become a very erotic and pleasurable part of the shared experience but it takes time and mutual trust and communication to reach that point.

    Good for you for being open to your boyfriend's desire. Go slow. Experiment. Be sensual and sensuous. Think of it as kissing. Share it with him the way you share other kisses. Have fun. :)
    Fascinated likes this.

  14. Madlydeeply

    Madlydeeply New Member

    I think that the above is the best advice that you could have gotten.

  15. Urchin

    Urchin New Member

    allaboutsharing, I just wanted to express my appreciation for your very articulate and sensitive posting. (I appreciate good writing so I just had to comment!) I'll definitely be showing your excellent description of kissing to my wife.

  16. Thank you, Urchin. That perspective grew out of long reflection on past experiences, some good but many not so much. Several months ago I began a new relationship and my SO and I have found that approach to be successful and gender-neutral... it's been every bit as applicable and effective (i.e., mutually delicious, passionate, intimate, flat-out wonderful in all respects, etc. :) regardless of which of us is taking the more active role at a given moment.

  17. EnoughAlready

    EnoughAlready Active Member


    That was a great post and is exactly how I *used* to think about giving oral to a woman. But I had been with too many women who were squeamish and just couldn't think of giving it the same way I did. That was a real shame. I was such a giving person, though, I wouldn't even think of leaving them over it, but it did hurt a lot.

    Speaking as a guy who wasted his twenties and much of his thirties with two women who, certainly, should have read your advice and taken it to heart, I now feel that much of the resentment I felt towards them had everything to do with them behaving in the ways that you warn against:

    I can't tell you how hurtful this is to a guy who is relying on his lover, someone who calls him soulmate, to care about him deeply in every way possible and who does all he can to make his woman feel safe, loved and sexy, especially in bed.

    I did begin to feel that I was wanting something bad, and just for wanting it, I began to feel like a pervert, like there was something wrong with me and my body and that there were just things about me that were disgusting. It began to eat and eat and eat at me and, eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. Years of being with someone who didn't care about me enough to be even mildly adventurous or brave with her tenderness took a huge toll on me and, worse, the thought that I'd live through my entire youth without ever feeling that soemthing about my sexuality wasn't disgusting or gross was too awful to bear.

    I was willing to become a cheater just to experience it. How bad would that have made me feel about myself, though?

    Thank goodness my new SO is awesome in this regard. She's also awesome and patient in learning to deal with my baggage. The scars of having been with the wrong people for many years run very deeply. I truly feel that her being giving in the bedroom is slowly healing me and returning a lot of sexual confidence to me that had been taken slowly over the years by selfish, unappreciative women.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2013

  18. EnoughAlready, I've had some similar experiences. I'm 50 and a veteran of several lengthy relationships and two marriages, and their eventual failures have given me much to reflect on in terms of my own behavior as well as that of my various partners. Some just treated me badly. But I also have to admit that in my younger decades I didn't articulate my thoughts and needs well even to myself, let alone my partner, and that sometimes I wasn't exactly a role model for sensitive, sharing behavior. And the social baggage about oral sex being one-sided or unpleasant or degrading (rather than beautiful and sensuous and intimate and loving) presumably has some basis in peoples' behavior--the porn market certainly seems to focus on that approach--so I understand how people's default position can be to view it negatively. I'm glad you've weathered your experiences and have found a partner with the right mix of understanding, patience, sensual needs, etc.

    sallyvally: Obviously a sensitive and difficult subject that you've asked about. Sharing orally with your partner has the potential to be an amazingly beautiful, meaningful, and pleasurable experience for both of you, but it also has the potential to cause conflict over unmet expectations, unvoiced inhibitions, differences in perspective, etc. I hope you and your boyfriend approach it with trust, patience, and lots of communication as time goes by.
    Fascinated likes this.

  19. Annonymus

    Annonymus New Member

    M-Chan and Thonger:

    I think we need a double-blind study to test your hypothesis about diets. How many are willing to participate?

  20. gardengrl

    gardengrl Member

    First off I’d say don’t put too much pressure on yourself just relax. I wasn’t one to really enjoy offering oral at first. I only gave to receive. But there is defiantly a sense of satisfaction in performing a spectacular (spectacular was my husband’s description) blow job. First out of bed I would express to him how much I want to do a good job and that he should feel free to make all the noise he wants. I find that my husband’s vocalizations help me figure out what he likes and what he LOVES. You should pick a position that allows the deepest penetration while you are still comfortable. You can also change positions and try out different things. I like to start out sort of hovering over him and move to him kneeling over me. As someone else said avoid the teeth! You can use your tongue to lick and kiss etc. alternating with a few strokes making them deeper as you go. Pay attention to what he like and do that. When you become accustomed to this you may begin to start to open the back of your throat allowing him deeper. Licking the skin between the balls and a** can really send them. If you are uncomfortable with that you could invite him into the shower wash him and start things in there. I often use my hands on the shaft or nipples (if he’s that kind of guy) while I’m down there. FYI all men don’t like the same things, my husband does not like the pee slit stimulation in any fashion. But they do seem to have a sensitive spot at just under the head on the front. As to what to do about the final product, you can swallow but it really depends on my mood. You can finish it or if you are tired you can ask him to finish I your mouth. My husband told me he likes it if it is spit back out with the shaft still in your mouth. You could also hop on top and ride him until he cums. I don’t really see men having a real problem with any of these options. I just try to remember that this is a sensitive issue for men. They can feel really rejected if you act like you don’t like it. I mean imagine if he went down on you and you cpul see that he thought it was disgusting. So don’t start it if you don’t really want to do it. I love to give my hubby a great blow job and it can make me really drippy wet. With a little stimulation you can actually cum while doing it. A side note is that I wouldn’t use porn as advice they tend to go for the extreme. Now admittedly I tend to fast forward through the BJ sections of porn. While I love to do it it’s not my favorite to watch.Remember it takes practice, but practice is fun. Good luck relax and enjoy.


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