Discussion in 'Archived Discussions' started by D 4 A, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. floss

    floss Member

    hey ladies - how are we?

    I've not been on here because I was doing well and didn't want to jinx it. Have been taking St John's Wort and my vits. Then the meeting with the psychologist my Dr arranged finally came around and I freaked out a little that it would bring back all my thoughts. And lo and behold it did. I feel like I've slipped back a touch.
    I'm not in that constant state of panic/tears that I was, but the negative feelings about my boyf have come back - though earlier this week I was panicking that he didn't want to be with me etc etc - even though we were on holiday togehter!

    We had a big talk and I explained some of my feelings and he said some lovely things. And yet that hasn't reassured me. Everything feels so magnified -like I have to decide THIS MINUTE what is going on with us. In calm moments I miss him like crazy and want to speak to him immediately, the next I fear seeing him because I know I'll question everything in my head. ARRRRRRRRRGH!!

    Over 3 and a half months off bc, and my periods are back to normal. SHould I stop blaming hormones now and realise I actually have a mental issue? [​IMG]

  2. jbrbabe

    jbrbabe New Member

    Hi Floss

    You sound like me, I read your post and it made me laugh just how similar our situation sounded!

    I don't tend to log on and post during my 'good days' as I feel like I'll jinx my progress, I've said it in my past posts.

    Like you I'm taking my passiflora, b vits and my multi vits in hope they'll make a difference. I think they might be :eek:)

    I've been off bc for 3 months tomorrow and like you I have questioned whether or not I should be still blaming the hormones for how I'm feeling at the moment. I have previously suffered with OCD and anxiety issues since I was about 10 and I'm now 25, so I know how awful it can be. When I started taking bc it all came flooding back and 10 times worse.

    The worse has been the obsessive/intrusive thoughts about my realtionship and my amazing partner of 5 years :eek:)They've nearly killed me. I can deal with the anxiety but the thoughts and the feeling of having no feelings except being numb and depressed was like nothing I'd ever dealt with before.

    I'm still suffering 3 months on but this doesn't seem to be that abnormal. If I've learnt anything from having OCD and all that comes with it in the past is, those thoughts and feelings can really stick with you. They almost become a habit, it's a vicious circle. You don't just forget all those horrible feelings and thoughts, I think you just get stronger and more confident to handle them and tell them to go away and stay away!

    My partner actually said to me I think you might be suffering with depression. Up until then I kind of dismissed it all as hormone related. Don't get me wrong I blame all of how I'm feeling on the evil pill and my hormones but now it seems to of left me feeling very depressed and like I have no feelings. I do have my good days where I'm ok but I still have bad days when I just feel numb and anxious.

    It's a rollercoaster and not a fun one. I'm going to make an appointment with my gp but I'm nervous.

    You just have to believe it will improve, it just may take more time then you expected.


  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    please ladies realise that this is a sloooooow process.

    slower than the 3 months everyone thinks it will take. i am over 4 months and still not back %

    better but not back. we r not going mental !!!!

  4. floss

    floss Member

    Thank you so much girls. This place has been an utter godsend.

    I just thought 3 months would be better as I was only on the pill for 7 mths - it's not like I've got years of it to leave my system.

    However I have had mild OCD in the past so I suppose it has triggered that too. It's so exhausting.

    I am sitting here at work, crying (discreetly!) because my parents went on holiday today and I am paranoid something will happen to them - and that I won't be able to call my mum when I'm feeling low for two weeks.

    I am 32 years old. I shouldn't be crying for my mummy!

  5. DaniBear

    DaniBear Member

    Hey Floss- just wanted to share that I was only on bcp for one cycle...one measly pack... and I just hit my 3 month mark, post pill. Although not as bad, I am still suffering. I got my first period about a week and a half ago and during that time, I felt back to normal. As soon as my period ended...the stupid intrusive thoughts/anxiety popped back up. And even though the thoughts and anxiety are easier to ignore, it still hurts like hell. It's like, even though the blow is softer, it still knocks you to your feet...that's how it feels when you've been doing a lot better and then have a stinkin relapse.

    So yea, even being on the pill a short period of time can leave you struggling for months. Hang in there...

  6. kerbear

    kerbear New Member

    Hey Ladies! Its been 17 weeks and 3 days exactly since I stopped taking Ocella. I was on the pill for 7 months and I am still not back to normal. Clark and Danibear are right, it is a long road to recovery, but keep on keepin on...because we will get back to the way we were.

    I have some very positive news for you ladies. For those of you who did not see my story (first post), it is on the previous page. This week has been a fairly good week! I've had times this week where I have almost felt back to myself, I would say 95%! I've had a great night out with the boyfriend, this whole night has felt like "US" again! It's been a great feeling. I have had little negative thoughts but nothing that wasn't able to be zapped right away with a little positive thinking. And just two days ago I was also feeling super lovey dovey...ALL DAY!!! I've had a serious of bad moments through these good moments but the good news is, the good moments are coming more often and the bad ones I seem to be able to control a bit better.

    Funny thing is, this cycle my period was 5 days late, which is the latest its been through the whole withdrawal process so I was expecting my moods to be worse, but they haven't been. My theory is maybe my body has finally just gotten rid of all the synthetic hormones and is now relying on my body to do its own work, which is why it came so late. Who knows?!?! damn hormones...so complicated.

    On a side note, I have cut out alcohol this week. I've been paying attention to my moods and it seems that even with the slightest bit of alcohol my mood tends to worsen. I've never really been a drinker, but I do love having a glass of red wine at night sometimes, I'm missing that a lil bit. I guess right now that alcohol may be a trigger food for me.

    Well ladies, thats my update for now. Stay strong and keep believing that it will get better!

  7. floss

    floss Member

    hey ladies....

    Having a bad day today. Just cried down the phone to my boyfriend who had no idea what to say. Which made me start on the 'well obviously he's not right for me then' thoughts. I couldn't tell him I think about him/us 90% of my waking day. I even said I could understand why he might not want to put up with it anymore - the closest I've come to suggesting a break up but he laughed and said I was now creating problems.

    My concern is that you've all been with your partners for years so you know you love each other and can be happy etc. Don't get me wrong, we've had happy times but I've been on the pill or going through this for the whole length of our relllie. So that feeds my fears that actually it's me and him that's the problem.

    I have to remember I had a good nightMonday and tuesday morning. Or I'll eally think I'm cracking up.

  8. kerbear

    kerbear New Member


    I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I hate those days with a passion. I can see how you feel about feeling more sure because of being in a relationship for a longer amount of time. But I can assure you that it doesn't make it any easier on us that have been in those long relationships. We are still doubting the same way you are, and still asking the relentless questions in our head...is he right for me? does he love me? do I love him still?
    Believe me, you wouldn't be here on this site with so much concern over the relationship if you didn't think it was worth saving. Your intuition is telling you to stay with your guy! Your thoughts and feelings can not be trusted right now, your hormones and that devil drug are making your body go haywire.
    Just hearing that your guy laughed you off for suggesting not putting up with you anymore is a sign that he is committed to you and your relationship. It is very hard to find a guy that is going to stick with you through something as hard as what you are going through right now. Hang on to him! You need all the support you can get right now. Relationships run into times where you have to stick together and work it out. Things aren't always butterflies and rainbows. But if you and your guy can make it through this together, then you'll have the strength to make it through other obstacles in the future.

    Hang in there girl! I promise time will be the best healer and you will start to have more frequent GOOD days! Try to stay positive! It always helps me to take a hot bath, relax, and run through all the things I'm thankful for (even if you feel like your faking it), that will give you an immediate lift!

  9. floss

    floss Member

    thank you so much kerbear. You've brought a (nice) tear to my eye.

    Today is a better day - I read up a lot about relationship OCD last night and I really think this has been triggered by the pill. So I am today saying to myself 'this is ocd' when I have horrid thoughts and feel a lot calmer.

    I must also remember as you say it isn't all 'butterflies and rainbows'.

  10. jbrbabe

    jbrbabe New Member

    Hey Floss

    Hang in there :eek:)

    I've been with my partner for five years and just like kerbear it doesn't make it any easier, I promise. I know I love him more then I can say but at times I can't feel anything. I jsut feel numb.

    My Relationship realted OCD thoughts etc are nearly killing me. It's been 3 months now since I stopped birth control and I only took two cycles of it!

    You just have to focus on your good day, I know how rare they can be. I know how numb, lost and confused you can feel.

    I'm just crossing my fingers that as kerbear said time is a healer :eek:)


  11. kerbear

    kerbear New Member

    Hey Ladies!

    I was wondering...do any of you suffer from excessive dreaming??? I dream a lot and most of the dreams are emotional and make me feel wierd upon waking. A lot of the dreams are of exes and even silly crushes I have had all the way back to grade school. I hate them because when I wake I immediately think,"Why did I think of that person that way when my lovely boyfriend whom I love so dearly is sleeping next to me right now?". I'd much rather the dreams be of my boyfriend! For some crazy reason it almost makes me feel guilty, like I'm cheating through my dreams or something!

    Any input would be appreciated!

    Thanks Girls!

  12. floss

    floss Member

    Hi Kerbear

    I have very vivid dreams - but then I always have. When I was on the pill they involved my boyf being mean to me a lot - he got quite upset at the amount of times I'd wake up and say 'you were an arse to me in my dream'!
    Funnily enough I woke up this morning feeling worried because I don't dream about him anymore!
    However I don't think dreaming about your exes means anything - after all, you probably dream about people you used to work with or relatives but it doesn't mean you're obsessed with them, if that makes sense. I think the state we're all in at the mo means we attach too much importance to insignificant things.

    As for me - it's the sense of urgency I can't bear - like I have to know RIGHT NOW if I should stay with my boyf. My adorable, kind sweet boyf who I couldn't bear to hurt. (in an hour's time I will be thinking of him as a thick, boring man who I can't be bothered with. And then back again). ARRRRRRRGH!!

    I thought the St John's Wort and Vits were working but I don't think they are now. And the strange thing is I know eating properly and exercising more would help me lots - but I can't be bothered. I have an important interview next week too and I just can't be bothered studying for it. Just feel meh about the world - except for my relationship whch consumes my every thought.

    I want to sue the NHS for this. I even read a question on NetDoctor earlier where a woman asked if her change in feelings towards her partner was due to coming off the pill. TWO DOCTORS said no, encouraged her to think it was possibly because she'd felt differently about him when there wasn't the risk of being pregnant by him, and suggested they go to Relate! I could SCREAM!

  13. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    hey ladies...
    I dream LOADS! Amd often remember a few a night after I've woken up. I reckon this makes us sleep less as I always lie in now or get tired easily!

    3 months and 1 weeks and I am still not right either...and i still get occasional weird thoughts about my bf (ive only been with him for 9 months now so during the majority of our relationship i have been 'crazy' as i say!)

    However...I am better than i was...so i guess thats good.

    Floss my periods are normal too and i keep asking myself whether i should stop blaming hormones or is this just me too?! Clarks comment made me feel better though lol. I have never in my life suffered anything like this before...nothing happened in my life to cause this...the only explanation is the pill... (I was vomiting everyday towards the end of my final pack...which soon stopped when I stopped the pills, so that reassured me too!)

    Realistically...i reckon it can easily take 6 months...ive read it so many times...you just have to remember that we are not stuck like this forever...it will seem like a lifetime now but in months time we will look back and realise how much stronger it made us and much better off we are without synthetic hormones!

    sorry about the ramble...2am here and was just off to sleep but felt a little anxious. Obv the forum was the first thing i did to chill me out!

    Hope ur all ok...keep talking and reassuring xx

  14. novi

    novi New Member

    Ladies - Stop waiting for something that may never happen. I was off the Nuva Ring for more than THREE YEARS and still suffered from those awful effects. NOTHING WORKED. I eat well (lots of veggies, whole grains, fish, some chicken, no sugar, etc) and exercise (30-45 minutes a day running), am not overweight. Yet still I suffered on.

    Then it hit me. When I was a child my family consumed something called colostrum... a cow's first milk. In less than three days I am completely cured. I literally have a new lease on life. I have not felt like this in 10 years.

    PLEASE CONSIDER THIS. I have been posting like crazy all over the message boards. I want to know if others can find the relief I did. In. Three. Short. Days.

    FYI - Colostrum is also known to solve or treat IBS and other digestive disorders. It took care of every other symptom I had - lack of interest in sex, dryness, tiredness, paranoid feelings/crying, etc. Literally overnight.


  15. novi

    novi New Member

    Floss and others wondering if they should stop blaming hormones... NO!!! It IS your hormones!!! You are NOT crazy. I had the same problems. Read my post about colostrum. You DO NOT HAVE to suffer another week.

    YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. I had OCD, paranoia, crying, etc. You name it. It's now ALL GONE!! I am actually able to consider myself an OPTIMIST. LOL

  16. whattodo89

    whattodo89 New Member

    Finished my 4th pack and last week I just started getting little cramps, spotting, headaches, became really depressed. I have the best boyfriend ever who I know I will marry but I just started getting all these thoughts about my feelings, and withdrawl! I know without a doubt that I love him and he's the man I'm gonna be with for the rest of my life but my mind is taking over right now and it's scaring me! I'm scared I won't get through this...

    I have also been fatigued, and eating habits have changed. I've done alot of research and am soo glad to read that it's the pill and i'm not going crazy! I've been crying uncontrollably because I thought i would lose him. My poor boyfriend...i stopped taking the pill about 10 days ago and am looking forward to being back to my old self again. Does anyone have any advice on how to just calm your mind and stop thinking all these thoughts and how long it takes for you to become yourself again? I've felt bi polar as well, just ups and downs and i just want it to stop!!! Any advice or comments would help

    I am trying to be strong through this, I have the love of my life and am trying to dismiss my feelings! I feel better when I am with him, when I am apart from him it just makes things harder...i'm was a bubbly, silly, outgoing women and now i've never felt like this in my life! I'm only 21 and have been on the pill for about 4 months so i'm hoping it doesn't take that long to get out of my system, i'm just trying to keep calm! I've been reading these posts everyday to feel some sense of calm so i figured to join it myself and get some feedback! I went to the doctors and he said it was nothing blah blah, and sent me to get some tests done like my Thyroid function test as well as iron levels and so far hasn't called me back so i'm guessing everythings ok with that.
    I am taking a multi vitamin as well a B complex vitamin...how can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

    I don't want to have these thoughts...i have the best thing that's ever happened to me and he's here for me no matter what I just want to go back to my old self!

  17. quittingthepill

    quittingthepill New Member

    Hi all,
    So I know a lot of people have major emotional turmoil regarding their boyfriend or husband after they quit the pill. But for me, I seem to have a totally different issue. I've felt very, very loving towards my boyfriend after quitting the pill and I no longer question if he likes me all the time like I did when I was on the pill.

    But since quitting the pill, time and time again I feel so much anxiety and emotional turmoil regarding my mother. This could be due to the fact that I'm young (only 20) and that she was the first person I opened up to about how the pills were making me feel. She really was kind of detached about it. She told me that yes, I should just quit them mid-pack, but I felt like she wasn't ever 100% convinced it was the pill, she thought I was just being overly emotional, etc.

    The problem is I'm away at university and I only really talk to her in text/emails. We spoke on the phone for 2 hours a week ago but she mostly just talked about stuff going on over there, and I just told her what I'd been up to her. We didn't get really in-depth about my emotions, etc.

    Why do I feel like I'm not open enough with my mom? I always wish she'd tell me she loves me and be really heartfelt ALL the time which I never craved so much until I quit BC. She DOES tell me she loves me in a casual way all the time! But since stopping BC I feel like I really, really need her to be there for me even though she has a whole life/job/other kids of her own. But if I tell her this I feel like she'll think I'm weak and "not doing better" off the pills!

    I REALLY wish I could just see her and have a huge heart-to-heart when she isn't busy [​IMG] [​IMG]

  18. floss

    floss Member

    I think you're suffering the same sort of feelings like us - but it has transferred to another loved one.

    My mum has always been sceptical about the pill being really to blame which has frustrated me, but I've come to realise she just doesn't understand teh pill, never having been on it, and being of the 'just get on with it' generation.

    Mums are people just like the rest of us - they're not perfect, they don't know eerything and aren't always all we want them to be. But she loves you and am sure just wants you to be well. It is probably difficult for her to talk emotions with you over the phone so far away..

  19. quittingthepill

    quittingthepill New Member

    Thanks floss, you're definitely right about that [​IMG] I've been talking to her a little more and it helps. I was definitely just getting anxious about nothing... we all know how it is :p


Share This Page