Discussion in 'Archived Discussions' started by D 4 A, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    Floss I had all of that... one day i wanted to be away from him to stop myself doing anything silly, then the next day i felt i needed to be constantly with him...and even then i would look at him and pick out his faults...even tough he is an attractive guy with lovely eyes :)D) I STILL found things about him that annoyed me.
    He has just started a new job as a sales man (door to door and its all commission) He doesnt get home til late (and were currently staying at his parents) which im not too happy about...today he has announced that he is off on a 'road trip' for a whole week leaving this sunday...Grr i could rip his head off...we hardly see each other as it is. I wrote a number of replies...didnt send any... Grr I dont wanna lose him but he is doing my head in. Why are men so stupid? were meant to be getting our own place but im really starting to question it.
    Can I blame the hormones????!!!! Sorry for the rant had to get it out there.

    Anyway I have justed checked the uni library and they ave mind over mood or whatever it is in...ive heard its a goodun?!

    Bitter im going to hit the gym next week...bring on endophins!!! (i had them funy feelings about my ex too...he was also a tw*t!)

    Floss keep talking on here... promise you it will get better...you would be surprised how commong it is with these crazy hormones...all linked to our emotions.

    Take care xxx

  2. floss

    floss Member

    Hi Cheryl

    I think any man that decides he wants to take off for a week, and only telling you a few days in advance is being rather unfair. However, he prob hasn't planned this to upset you and he may need some time to himself.

    I have done well for most of today - but my brain really seems to have gotten locked into a pattern of criticising my boyfriend in my head. Even if someone reads me an article from the paper, my ehad says 'bet he wouldn't have read that to me'?!? This being the man who texted me today to thank me for cooking him dinner last night, and he couldn't wait to pick me up tonight.

    My brain feels like it's fried with OVER-BLOODY-THINKING. And I know it's silly and ridiculous. At moments of calm I can't wait to see him, so I have to trust those feelings.

  3. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    Good Day Ladies:)

    It is sooo cold here -26c today, I am in Edmonton, Alberta! Frozen to the core:(

    I understand the numbness for sure, I go through phases of them now they are less and less! I always think, gosh why don't you do anything for yourself, you always want to be with me and love me, and touch me! INSANE, as who does not want a guy who is always concerened of your feelings, gives you back rubs, takes you for dinner so you don't have to cook ect. Everyone girl does:) Then there is crazy me that feels like a zombie living my life! I feel like a different person in my skin, weird feelings I know.

    I will however tell you, THEY GET BETTER!!!! Slowly but surely:) I am 3 months and 12 days off my birth control, and I still can tell my body is not normal. I do however feel happier, I honestly think it is to do with working out as I think you are getting those endorphins up which make you happy!

    Yes, Floss stay on here and keep talking:) It is great to know you are not the only one out there, and they is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

    Cheryl, yes my ex was a jerk! He didn't understand why I gained so much weight, about twenty pounds during our almost 2 year relationship. Made me feel awful about it:( As time went on I realised I did not want to be with a person who made someone feel bad about themselves. My current boyfriend says I love you inside not on the outside, I don't care if you lost or gained weight I will always love YOU! I am so glad that it takes a bunch of jerks to make you appreciate the one that falls in love with you, not what they think you should be:) If they are the right one, they will understand what you are going through so just make sure that they understand which I think they do with our ups and downs!

  4. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    Aww bitter...you are so better off without him. It seems we all have lovely boyfriends atm...shame these thoughts keep taking over. I just tell myself not to do anything rash.

    I went to the docs today and enquired about contraception. I told her everything and she still tried to put me on the pill. The mini pill. Even though i stressed that I will NEVER take hormones again. I was a bit peed at her for being so ignorant. Clearly some do not understand how it feels to have ur life ripped apart due to the pill. I told her no. She offered me the coil...copper one...but quite frankly...condoms are fine for now. At least until I am over this.

    Wow that is cold. You in America? Im in england so geography isn't great from your area!

    Floss they do get better...and yeah you are right about him going away. Turns out its 3 weeks now... id rather be three weeks without him than not have him full stop though. Yeah my brain also doesnt shut up! But things have got better. I am dreaming less I think which is a good sign.

    Random but I swear i sweat more. Ive never been a sweaty person but i sweat more now! xxxx

  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    hey B

    i am in tennessee and it was about 29 degrees here and 8 inches of snow !

    i am so ready for winter to b gone. i like to walk but too darn cold for sure.

  6. floss

    floss Member

    ugh winter really doesn't help does it?

    What infuriates me at the mo is this sense of urgency I have - I MUST figure out my relationship NOW etc etc.

    I am terrified of doing something stupid/obsessing so much that I kill this relationship :((((

  7. floss

    floss Member

    Am so pissed off!

    Was going to post on here last night because I think my St John's Wort is kicking in, as I felt very positive and enthusiastic about life and everything. Kept telling myself to cherish that feeling. Was desperate to see boyf etc.

    Then today I felt generally good, me and boyf were emailing, and I called him to ask how he was and I suddenly was hving a panic attack about him being boring?!? I can only assume I've trained my body into doing this but it's scary. My head keeps saying 'maybe it's the truth and you've been hiding it from yourself'. But he's NOT BORING.

    UGH. 11 weeks off the pill. So annoying.

  8. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    Please read my blog ladies, I have some BIG NEWS:) I am going to read your posts here right now!!

  9. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    It is freezing here, I have a heater under my desk and my fingertips are still cold. It is -26c today, which I have no idea what that is in degrees! But is feels like -33c with the wind! MEGA COLD!

    Well all I have to say is when I stopped panicking, and I understood what was happening it was much easier to handle as well talk about! The first month, I was determined to be done, that was tough that first month, no sex drive among me and my craziness. All I have to say is patience is your best friend at this time, whatever makes you feel good keep doing that, get back to something you did before like reading, working out, knitting anything that keeps you busy and gives you mini goals, that are attainable! It feels good to do anything for yourself, paint your nails, go for a pedi! Just be patient, I know I am not a %100 but I feel a billion times better than even 2 weeks ago, or even 3, or a month!
    I am not the best advice person, I just know it made me feel better to focus on myself every once in a while. I even liked my quite time in the tub ahhhh!
    I am so happy it is Friday, I shall be drinking tonight and celebrating with friends:) I am still smoking, so hopefully all goes well with me drinking tonight, eek! I am sure I will be fine!

    Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

  10. floss

    floss Member

    wow bitterbitch - what great news! How exciting!

    I've tried writing a letter to my boyf this morning, not to actually send him but to get it out rather than going round and round my head.

    I think one of my problems is that I can't really talk to him about all of this. Our relationship has always been a touch difficult for me, because he had his heart broken before we got together, so it took 5 months before he agreed we were going out, and he still hasn't told me he loves me.
    So I am dealing with this on my own - or rather by outpouring to my mum and friends who are utterly bewildered by it all.
    But I'm too scared to talk to him for fear he will walk away. I mean, he isn't ready to tell me he loves me (he said this before xmas) so why would he stick around?

    The f*cked up thing, is that I am scared of him finishing it - and yet spending half my time wondering whether we should be together??? I think that shows how fried my brain is. And that tells me I shouldn't make any rash moves at the mo.

    Grr grrr grr.

    Sorry to be so memememe!

  11. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    Awe Floss, if I could give you a hug I would! That sounds like a tough relationship:(
    Sometimes it takes guys a really long time to show their emotions, so just be patient. If he is the one who is for you, he will remain with you:) I know it is hard to hear, but if he is not the one for you the right one will come along. I don't want you to focus too much on him, just make sure to focus on what is best for you! It seems hard to do at this time, as you seem so emotional and numb but try. Just keep surrounding yourself with positive people, the rest will follow!

    Keep your head up, your doing great!

    I am 3 months, 17 days off Birth Control Pills.

  12. floss

    floss Member

    thanks bitterbitch, you're a great help!

    I had a good weekend all together... A rotten saturday daytime but out in the evening, boyf joined and it was nice.
    Then on Sunday he took me out for the afternoon to the coast and it was lovely. I had a half hour panic attack in my head about him, but all was calmer after a while. I didn't let him know.
    He is trying so hard all the time to make me happy.

    Then today I start the loop of 'he's not the one' etc etc. It's so strange - my sense of perspective is totally out of whack. Why do I have to know RIGHT NOW? I wonder if I have relationship OCD.

    But yes, generally better than I was early last week. I think I'm deffo worse on quieter days - nothing else to think about etc. Started swimming lessons tonight!

    Hope everyone else is doing ok.

  13. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    Good Morning Floss,

    Yes, if you ever need anything just ask anyone we are always willing to share and help as much as we can! [​IMG]

    My arms are beyond tired from shoveling, it is actually starting to warm up here a bit, so that is nice.

    I feel like I am getting more irriatable again not too much but I can feel it creep up on me. I have not been able to have sex the last 2 nights due to stomach pains, really bad indegestion! Who feels sexy when they have gas?

    Plus I gained my weight back:( so sad, I have to get back to the gym so that I may look fabulous for upcoming engagement photos!

  14. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    Ahh I get the funny feelings about my bf still [​IMG] Esp when I am not with him. When I am with him I don't want to leave him and im fine. And then when I'm having a good time with friends I think that being with friends is better for me than being with him and being with him is stopping me from seeing friends (he would NEVER stop me from doing anything...its just in my head!!!) Anxious about everything!!

    9 weeks 4 days... feels ages.
    I get indigestion at times as well bitter. Although I wonder if its my poor diet atm! Hurts to have sex when I get indegestion (went to docs once with it...she thought I have an STI! Turns out just constipation and bad bowels...all birth control related [​IMG] )

    I have also put on weight...altho i love chocolate and have eaten loads of it haha

    congrats bitter [​IMG] you deserve it! xx

  15. kerbear

    kerbear New Member

    Hello Ladies!

    Thank gosh I have found this site! I was starting to be very doubtful that my out of control feelings were due to Birth Control and the withdrawal process. Here's my story:

    I started taking Ocella in March 2010. The first 2 months on the pill I didn't notice much change aside from my face clearing up which was a very positive thing for me, as I struggled with acne due to PCOS. Around May of 2010 I started having severe gastrointestinal symptoms and reoccurring headaches. This continued throughout the summer and was also accompanied by extreme fatigue. After about 6 months on the pill, I started to realize my mood changing. I was emotionally numb towards everything, whether it be my hobbies, my loving boyfriend, my dogs, and my graduate degree. I was also becoming more and more agitated for no reason. Finally, in September 2010 my boyfriend left for a week to go to Alaska for a father/son vacation. At first I cried that he left, then I became numb to everything, and realized or thought that I didn't even miss him. This is when I began to suspect the Birth Control.

    Here's a little info on me and my sweetie. We have been together for 4 1/2 wonderful years. Our relationship up until this point has been the most wonderful, fulfilling, trusting, and loving relationship anyone could ever ask for. We have made it through long distance relationship, and we have lived together for the past 1 1/2 in harmony. We ground eachother. He is my best friend, my best lover, and my number one supporter. Our relationship has never been anything but pure joy and deep love since the moment I knew I was in love with him. Essentially he is the man I want to be with the rest of my life.

    Then comes birth control. When I got these ideas in my head that I didn't miss the love of my life, I was floored. I knew something had to be wrong because just a month prior to this I was so ready to marry him! My research led me to discover that this can happen to women as a result of birth control. And thank gosh I have found you women!

    In one week it will have been 4 months since I have been off Ocella. Here is a breakdown of what I have experienced.

    Month 1

    Migraines, worst I have ever had. Acid reflux, nausea, tooth sensitivity, vision problems, and MAJOR anxiety. The first month wasn't too bad after ovulation time. My anxiety calmed a bit and my headaches lessened.

    Month 2

    Random bouts of nausea, headaches, loss of motivation, fatigue, leg pains, tooth sensitivity, vision problems, vivid dreams, anxiety, and periods of extreme depression. This month was up and down. I would have a period of good days, followed by a few really, really bad days. My emotions were all over the place and I questioned my relationship here and there, enough to make me be a worry wort.

    Month 3

    This is when it got really bad for me mentally and emotionally. I could cry for no reason at all. I could look at my family (boyfriend and dogs) and could not manage to muster up any feelings at all. I began to think that i did not love my boyfriend anymore, which scared the crap out of me because he is the love of my life and I would be the stupidest woman to ever let him go. Needless to say anxiety and ocd took over this month. Not many good days! I also became a hypochondriac about my health, my normal leg aches turned into fears of blood clots. I had my worst mental breakdown this month. My depression was also accompanied by nausea. I could feel it coming on.

    Month 4

    This month has been very hard for me emotionally and mentally as well. I think it mainly has to deal with how slow this process is and that is very frustrating. But I am ready for these feelings (or shall I say non feelings) towards my boyfriend to go away. Logically in my head I know that these emotions are not true to myself but it is becoming increasingly harder to convince myself as the withdrawal process continues. I'm so ready to be able to feel happiness and love again! I am unable to deal with any amount of stress right now and it is so unlike me. I am usually a very strong woman, with high self esteem and confidence. It seems as if that has disappeared from every part of my life right now.

    Sorry for the book! But it helps to get it out. I have also been part of the yasmin survivors forum, but it is more focused on physical symptoms I feel than the mental and emotional side effects of coming off of bc.

  16. jbrbabe

    jbrbabe New Member

    Hi everyone

    Hi Kerbear, welcome aand you are not alone :eek:) I on the 5th February will be into my month 3 of being off BC.

    I've only logged on this morning because I had such an awful nights of feeling really down, having unwanted thoughts about my amazing other half. My anxiety is so high at the moment it's actually making me feel unwell :eek:( I have a nasty headache and I ache all over probably from being so darn tense for the last few months lol

    I do though no and can tell you that the negative upsetting feelings towards your loved ones will fade. I personally have had a couple of really good weeks before this huge dip :eek:( I actually almost felt myself. That is the second time I thought that though and spoke to soon. It's a longer journey then I expeted now I just take it all as it comes.

    Most of what you have described and said is very similar to what other women have said on here and you'll find you'll get loads of suport, it's been my life saver. Like nearly everyone else I thought I was loosing my mind and the biggest killer was the thoughts and feelings about my other half. We have been together nearly five years and like you I love him so much. He is my rock, my World , my everything and I don't ever want to live my life without him :eek:) But like you I have been feeling numb and keep over thikning and questioning our relationship. Now I know this is crap because on five days ago I felt amazing and happy :eek:) And I have felt this way before and it's always faded. Though it's so hard to believe it ever will when your right in the middle of a dip :eek:(

    Stay strong and keep smiling. It can be a long road but on the way things start to improve and will become less intense and fade :eek:)

    Hope everyone else it ok :eek:)


  17. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    ahh just when i thought i was more me...last night me and my bf broke up. :'(
    I can see its been hard for him and he has been so good to me. a tower of strength. ive been staying with him and his mum and last night he said he felt srangled and not sure what he wants.
    Hes just become unemployed and i think this is getting him down...
    but he is right...we'd lost our sparkle...altho only because of how ive been feeling regarding my mental health on this pill etc.
    Do I text him?? He said he just wants to be by himself... he was in tears and i know he is upset... but i feel we have something worth saving. He said who knows what will happen in a months time and has said he still wants to meet up etc. Does this mean we have a chance of rekindling? We didn't have a fight or anything he's just a bit lost...help i really don't know what to suggest. I think his mum will prob text me today as she was gogsmacked and couldn't believe it...
    any lady advice will be much appreciated! xxx

  18. Guest

    Guest Guest

    so sorry to hear about ur break up cheryl

    dont let this stupid pill destroy your relationship. maybe he just needs a breather, (and u may need one as well)

    dont lose contact with him and just tell him how u feel. i dont mean text him every five seconds, but just enough to let him know u want this realtionship to work.

    how r u feeling ? (aside from this break-up)

  19. Cheryl175

    Cheryl175 New Member

    Well was starting to get back on my feet. Enjoyed work etc although was staying at his mum's and I can see that he must have felt smothered. He said he just wants to be on his own atm and needs to sort his head out (hes also unemployed atm and said its made him feel down and unsure what he's doing) Deffo stemmed from the pill. If it wasn't for the stupid pill I'd still be in student accommodation doing my usual busy bee stuff.

    Thanks for the advice clark. Can breathers really be all couples need sometimes? We got on great otherwise. It's made me think twice and I would put so much effort in now if I had the chance.

    How are you feeling now? x

  20. Bitter B*tch

    Bitter B*tch New Member

    Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear your news:( I know that it is hard, I was with my ex and continuously would break up with him. I think now, it was the pill but was it worth it if he didn't hang in there with me? We will never know, but I agree with Clark, just tell him you still care about him and yes maybe a break will be great for both of you.

    If he does not have a job too at the moment, that could be hard on him. So maybe he is feeling low too, I wouldn't blame yourself for everything. You can always do what you can at the time, if it is meant to be it will be:) Don't be so hard on yourself, take this time to focus on thigs that do make you happy.

    The reason I came on today is for the last 2 days, I have been a raving angry mad b*tch. Well I feel like that on the inside, on the outside numb as usual. Why now, I was doing so great! I am going to the gym tonight, hopefully that will help me as I am so grouchy yet again, and have a horrid headache. I feel so guily and have to apologize for my behavior non-stop:(

    3 months, 28 days off birth control pills.


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